The abuse of children, in whatever form it takes, is one of the most abhorrent acts humans are capable of, and justifiably gives rise to feelings of extreme anger and the desire for revenge upon the perpetrators. However sickened and distressed you may feel as someone who is working or living with a victim of abuse, your focus has to remain on helping, counseling and nurturing the affected child, and giving them all the support you can. This can be emotionally draining for you, too, so it’s important to understand how you feel and take action to avoid letting emotional distress affect your own health.

Accepting your feelings

Helping to repair the shattered lives of abused and neglected children is bound to take its toll on you, but as someone who cares so much for the welfare of the children concerned, it can sometimes be hard to accept that you have a right to feel negative emotions. The rationale is usually along the lines of, “This child has been through so much, what right do I have to be upset and hurt when none of these things was done to me?”. You need to understand that you do have every right to feel these emotions, and the reason you feel the way you do is your empathetic nature. You feel their pain almost as if it were your own, and these emotions are real and entirely natural.

Learning how to manage your feelings

Trying to shut yourself down and suppress what you are feeling is not the answer, and can lead to you having physical and mental health problems of your own. Frontline emergency service personnel are renowned for being able to keep a sense of humor and stay calm even in the direst of circumstances. It’s not that they have closed off their emotions, but they have found ways to compartmentalize them for the duration of their working day, so that they can function in the harrowing and stressful situations they encounter so regularly. What is essential is to be able to find your own ways of dealing with your stress and the emotions you’re feeling so that they don’t build up inside and affect your own health.

Diversion, relaxation and letting it out

There are three main methods of dealing with your emotional stress:

• Finding something that completely takes your mind away from your worries and gives you a break. Sports are good for this, as well as music, learning new skills, hobbies, and perhaps a special event like an Escape Room STL adventure or something that challenges you like abseiling.
• Finding ways to truly relax your mind and body is essential for health and wellbeing. Yoga, meditation, mindfulness; there are many alternative approaches that you can try until you find one that suits you.
• Don’t be afraid to have a good cry and let your emotions out when you are with someone sympathetic and caring. Holding back your tears will do you far more harm than letting them flow. Talking about your feelings with a good friend, trusted colleague or a counselor will also help ease the strain.

To be able to give your best to the children in your care, you need to look after yourself first. You won’t be able to help them if you become ill or burnt out, so for their sakes, be kind to yourself.