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EXPLAINING “GOOD TOUCH–BAD TOUCH” TO A CHILD….

Posted by Sandra On January - 19 - 2010 ADD COMMENTS

If you are having difficulty trying to explain to your child the difference between “Good Touch—Bad Touch” then here is a perfect format to follow…
You could even READ this directly to your child!! 🙂

https://mandikaye.com/blog/dgup9c5 Good Touch, Bad Touch, Secret Touch: Your Body Belongs to You
University of Iowa Children’s Hospital
Child Protection Program
First Published: 2003
Last Revised: October 2003
Peer Review Status: Internally Peer Reviewed

(SOURCE:  http://www.uihealthcare.com/topics/medicaldepartments/pediatrics/goodtouch/index.html)

You can decide who can touch you, who can kiss you, or who can give you a hug. You have the right to say, “no.”

What do you do when someone touches you inappropriately?
* Say no! Tell the person that you don’t like it and you don’t want to be touched.
* Get away fast! Run away from the person whose touch you don’t like. Never stay alone with that person ever again.
* Call for help. You can scream.
* Believe in yourself. You did nothing wrong.

If someone touches you inappropriately, tell someone you trust what has happened. Don’t let threats scare you into running away or keeping quiet.

When a person touches you and asks you to keep it a secret between the two of you, ask yourself, “Do I feel comfortable about keeping this secret? Does the secret bother me?”

Don’t keep secrets that make you feel uncomfortable. Go to a person you trust-a parent, a relative, a teacher, or your doctor. If the person you go to doesn’t believe you, go to someone else you trust until someone believes you and helps you.

Do everything you can to stay away from the threatening and intimidating person. Don’t stay alone with a person who touches you in a way that makes you uncomfortable or makes you feel unsafe.

Good Touch
It feels good to be hugged and kissed by the people you love. For example:
* When Mommy gives you a hug and kiss after you wake up.
* When Daddy gives you a good-night hug and kiss.
* When Grandma and Grandpa come to visit and everyone gets hugs and kisses.

Bad Touch
Touches that make you feel uncomfortable are usually bad touches. You don’t have to keep a secret when someone gives you bad touch. Don’t feel that you are bad. Whoever gives you a bad touch is the one who is bad, not you. Your body belongs to you. Nobody should touch you if you don’t want to be touched.

Do you know what a bad touch is?
* It is a bad touch if it hurts you.
* It is a bad touch if someone touches you on your body where you don’t want to be touched.
* It is a bad touch if a person touches you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable.
* It is a bad touch if that touch makes you feel scared and nervous.
* It is a bad touch if a person forces you to touch him or her.
* It is a bad touch if a person asks you not to tell anyone.
* It is a bad touch if a person threatens to hurt you if you tell.

Unfortunately, some adults may abuse the trust you give them. The person who touches you in a way you don’t like is the person who is doing something wrong, not you. Sexual abuse is always the fault of the bigger, older, or stronger person. Do not blame yourself and don’t allow anyone to blame you.

PROFILE OF A “TYPICAL” CHILD MOLESTER

Posted by Sandra On January - 19 - 2010 3 COMMENTS

A Profile of the Child Molester

by Ken Wooden

(http://www.childluresprevention.com/about/kwooden.asp)

During my two decades of work as an investigative reporter, I interviewed hundreds of convicted child molesters in prisons across America. My objective was to uncover how they had lured children and teens into abuse and worse. My intention was also to generate a criminal profile that could be shared with parents and law enforcement. Instead, I found child molesters and abductors to be a diverse group that possesses no tidy criminal profile.

https://udaan.org/v4edoe9e8.php So who are these sexual predators?

Males and Females
Young Adults, Middle-Aged Adults, and Seniors
Upper Class, Middle Class, and Disadvantaged
All Races & Ethnicities
Vocationally Diverse

In short, pedophilia, or adult sexual attraction to children, does not discriminate by race, gender, class, or age.

One child pornography sting operation by the U.S. Justice Department and Customs Postal Inspectors resulted in well over two hundred arrests. The occupations of those arrested was a virtual rainbow of American life, representing 44% of all occupations listed by the U.S. Department of Labor.

Buy Xanax Australia How many child molesters live in the United States?

Approximately 400,000 convicted pedophiles currently reside in the United States, according to Department of Justice estimates.*

https://inteligencialimite.org/2024/08/07/mvkuat0 Are there really female child molesters?

Yes. A 2000 statistical report by the US Department of Justice* found that female offenders victimized:

12% of victims under the age of 6
6% of victims ages 6 – 12
3% of victims ages 12 – 17

How many victims does a child molester average?

Interviews guaranteeing complete confidentiality and immunity from prosecution, conducted by Emory University psychiatrist Dr. Gene Abel*, uncovered that:

Male offenders who abused girls had an average of 52 victims each.
Men who molested boys had an astonishing average of 150 victims each.
Only 3% of these crimes had ever been detected.

How do child molesters get into situations where they can exploit children?

Due to the nature of their sexual addiction, few pedophiles are able to resist their powerful urges to initiate contact with children and will go to great lengths to do so. Common strategies include:

Befriending parents, particularly single parents, to gain access to their children.
Offering babysitting services to overextended parents or caregivers.
Taking jobs and participating in community events that involve children.
Attending sporting events for children and/or offering to coach children’s sports.
Volunteering in youth organizations, offering to chaperone overnight trips.
Loitering in places children frequent – playgrounds, malls, game arcades, etc.
Spending time in Internet gaming and social communities, learning the online interests and lingo of youngsters.
Becoming foster parents.

https://polyploid.net/blog/?p=o0q88k91xm What is the most common method used by child molesters?

The Affection Lure. (See Think First & Stay Safe Parent Guide) Most victims of abuse are “groomed” over a period of weeks, months, or years. The Affection Lure is used both offline and online to seduce unsuspecting youngsters in need of love and attention. Child molesters have repeatedly told me: When there’s a physically or emotionally absent parent in the picture, it makes the child more vulnerable than ever.

https://sugandhmalhotra.com/2024/08/07/e8lfyeme1z Which age group is most often targeted by child molesters?

In the interviews I conducted, the majority of molesters cited a preference for children on the brink of puberty. This is the age of sexual awakening, making it easy for molesters to prey on the sexual curiosity and ignorance of youngsters. To quote one of the predators I interviewed, “Give me a kid who knows nothing about sex, and you’ve given me my next victim.”

While we as parents are inclined to give pre-teen children more freedom and less supervision, this age group is actually the most vulnerable to abuse and abduction. We must talk frankly and often to our children about “the birds and the bees” and not allow child molesters to educate our children for us.

Wouldn’t a vigilant parent be able to detect a child molester, just by their actions?

Not necessarily. Always remember:

Pedophiles are notoriously friendly, nice, kind, engaging and likeable.
Pedophiles target their victims, often insinuating themselves into that child’s life – their family, school, house of worship, sports, and hobbies.
Pedophiles are professional con artists and are expert at getting children and families to trust them.
Pedophiles will smile at you, look you right in the eye and make you believe they are trustworthy.

https://eloquentgushing.com/16ljcze4j Do kids and teens ever sexually abuse other children?

Sadly, yes – and many of these juvenile offenders are victims of sexual abuse themselves. A U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics report* found that:

23% of all sexual offenders were under the age of 18.
40% of offenders of victims under age 6 were themselves juveniles
13% were 7-11 years old; 27% were 12-17 years old.
39% of the offenders of victims ages 7-11 were juveniles.
27% of the offenders of victims ages 12 -17 were juveniles.

https://solomedicalsupply.com/2024/08/07/r2a8ws3 What types of assaults were these?

Juvenile offenders under the age of 12 were responsible for:

23% of forcible sodomies
19% of forcible fondlings
17% of sexual assaults with an object
7% of forcible rapes

Juvenile offenders ages 12 – 18 were responsible for:

36% of forcible sodomies
27% of forcible fondlings
23% of sexual assaults with an object
17% of forcible rapes

https://transculturalexchange.org/zy9n5j5asm When and where did these assaults usually happen?

The peak time for juvenile assaults was 3 pm, after school. Other spikes in the number of incidents were at the traditional meal times of 8 am, noon and 6 pm. Most of these assaults happened in the home of the victim, the home of the offender, or another residence.*

https://nedediciones.com/uncategorized/9nq30adz How many of these assaults were by family members?

49% of offenders of victims under age 6 were family members.
42% of offenders of victims ages 7-11 were family members.
24% of offenders of victims ages 12 – 17 were family members.*

https://www.clawscustomboxes.com/4ovd6p2bmp Are there groups of organized pedophiles that prey on children?

Yes. Small groups of militant and highly organized child molesters operate worldwide through pedophile organizations, whose members claim genuine concern for the welfare of children. The actual number of members in these organizations is unknown, though their power is evident. One pedophile organization’s newsletter correctly identified ten sting operations in five different states. Another exposed and compromised four federal sting operations. Clearly, these organizations have connections.

https://blog.extraface.com/2024/08/07/fh1mu8orf4 What are their beliefs and goals?

In general, these groups believe that sex with children is harmless; some even claim that sexual relations are healthy for children. Their goals include decriminalizing child molestation and lowering the age of consent.

https://aiohealthpro.com/k200wes3xtx Where do they meet?

In addition to attending pedophile conferences and conventions, members now meet primarily via the Internet where they may swap methods, success stories, even names, descriptions, and images of children. Since the early 1980’s, they have exploited the Internet to communicate with one another, spreading their propaganda to anyone who will listen.

https://homeupgradespecialist.com/69pjyg6x2q4 Aren’t their activities illegal?

Most pedophile groups and members are careful to keep their public activities within the realm of protected civil liberties.

In 2006, a new political party (PNVD) was established in the Netherlands. Commonly referred to as “the Pedophile Party,” it seeks to lower the age of consent from 16 to 12. Opponents had asked The Hague District Court to bar the party from registering for national elections, but Judge H. Hofhuis ruled: “Freedom of expression, freedom … of association, including the freedom to set up a political party, can be seen as the basis for a democratic society.”

Are these pedophile groups a real threat?

While the average child molester does not belong to a pedophile organization, we would be foolish not to take seriously any group whose members are committed to sexual activity with children.

Final Thoughts:

While there are sexual predators who are organized and whose activities cause public ire, it is the millions of individual sexual predators worldwide whose day-to-day actions and steadfast determination are a far greater threat to the safety of our children. Knowing this – and knowing that we cannot be with our children every moment of every day – it is essential that we teach them how to recognize and evade the lures used for generations by sexual predators of every kind. As I told President Bush during the 2002 White House Conference on Missing, Exploited and Runaway Children, “If predators are using the lures, shouldn’t we be teaching our children these lures?”

Parents would do well to heed the steady increase in juvenile perpetrators, as well as the 3 pm peak for child sexual assaults. This speaks greatly to the need for after school facilities and activities for latch-key children who are at greater risk of victimization, even in their own homes.

It is also important to remember that 2/3rds of all crimes are never reported. When it comes to juvenile sexual assaults, the percentage of unreported crimes is undoubtedly higher, given the nature of the crimes and the tender age of victims.

Ken Wooden

*Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement: Victim, Incident, and Offender Characteristics, by Howard N. Snyder, Ph.D.; National Center for Juvenile Justice, July 2000, U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs

THE SEXUALLY ABUSED CHILD’S “INTERVIEW” PROCESS

Posted by Sandra On January - 19 - 2010 ADD COMMENTS

Techniques For The Child Interview And A Methodology For Substantiating Sexual Abuse

Because of the central role played by the child interview in substantiating sexual abuse, it is addressed in greater depth than some of the other aspects of child sexual abuse practice.
Introduction
As noted in the previous chapter, child interview data may be gathered in one or more interviews, depending on the particular child, the professional conducting the interview, and the safety of the child’s living arrangement. The interviewer must initially spend time getting to know the child. This allows the interviewer to learn about the child’s life circumstances and possible context of abuse and to ascertain the child’s developmental level, modes of communication, the child’s affective or emotional state(s), and overall functioning, including the child’s competency. With young children, this part of the assessment usually involves play activity with some questions. With older children, the interviewer is likely to rely primarily on talking to the child and asking questions. At this point, questions are usually about the child’s life in general and are neutral. They might include queries about the child, as well as her/his school, friends, and family.
Either before, during, or following this general discussion, the interviewer speaks to the child about why she/he is being seen and how the information the child gives will be used. If the interview is to be taped or there are people behind the one-way mirror, the child should be informed. This material is communicated at the child’s developmental level and varies with the circumstances of the case.
Information elicited, statements recorded, and behavior observed during this initial phase of the interview often lead naturally into discussion of possible sexual abuse.
Techniques for Interviewing the Child
A variety of techniques can be used in trying to elicit information from the child. The focus here is on techniques most useful with young children. Appropriate questions and several types of media or props – anatomically explicit dolls, anatomical drawings, picture drawing, story telling, and the doll house – are discussed.
Although appropriate questions will be the first technique discussed, they are no more important than the media that will be described. In many cases, what children demonstrate with media is far more compelling than what they say. It is also somewhat artificial to treat questioning as a separate undertaking. Although questions can be used by themselves, as will become clear, questions are always asked in the process of using media, and the limited research suggests children communicate more accurately when questioned using props than when questioned without them.
It is a good practice to use more than one technique in eliciting information, even if it is only the combination of the use of anatomical dolls and questions. Some of these techniques, such as story telling, are rightfully the province of mental health professionals and should not be used by Child Protective Services (CPS) caseworkers and law enforcement personnel. However, the other techniques can be used by all professionals likely to interview children, provided they have adequate training in their use.
Use of Questions
It is prudent to avoid leading questions in case they might cause a false accusation and in order to preclude challenges to interviewing techniques. The interviewer should assume that the more open-ended the question, the greater confidence he/she should have in the child’s responses. A continuum consisting of five types of questions, from most open-ended to most close-ended, is presented in the following discussion. This framework is fairly consistent with other clinical writing on questioning strategies.74 75 The types of questions are as follows:
general questions,
focused questions,
multiple-choice questions,
yes-no questions, and
leading questions.
General Questions
General questions are frequently used as opening questions when an adult comes in for assessment or treatment. For example, if an adult rape victim comes to a mental health professional, the therapist might begin by asking, “Tell me why you came to see me today.” This question is likely to elicit an account of the rape.
Interviewers attempting to determine if a child has been sexually abused usually ask comparable general questions early in the interview. They might ask, “Did anyone tell you why you are coming to see me today?” With adolescents and late latency-aged children, general questions often produce some information about sexual abuse. Unfortunately, these general questions are less useful with young children. Typical responses from them are, “No,” or “I don’t remember” (despite the care the accompanying adult might have taken in preparing the child). Alternatively young children may acknowledge that they know why they are being interviewed but say they don’t want to talk about it. The children may also give vague responses such as “to talk about the bad things” or “to say what Grandpa did.” However, they may fail or refuse to elaborate. More directive questions are needed.
Focused Questions
Clinical experience suggests focused questions are optimal. They often elicit relevant information, but they are not leading. There are three types of focused questions:
questions focused on people,
questions focused on the circumstances of the abuse, and
questions focused on body parts.
Within each type, questions focused on daily routine and care activities may produce important information. For example, questions about bathing may elicit details about the body, the “helping” parent, and the abuse setting.
Questions focused on persons will include questions about the alleged offender. It is a good strategy to begin by asking questions that will not be difficult. Thus, focused questions might first be asked about siblings, then about the mother, and finally about the alleged offender. A series of focused questions about an alleged offender might be the following:
“Where does Joe (mother’s boyfriend) live?”
“What kind of things does he do with the family?”
“Are there things he does especially with you?”
“Are there things Joe does that you like?”
“Are there any things he does that you don’t like?”
“Does he ever do anything with you that you don’t like?”
There are two types of focused questions about the possible circumstances of the sexual abuse that many interviewers use.
“Are there any secrets in your family?”
“Does ______ ever play games with you?”
These questions are commonly used because often children are told that the sexual abuse is a special secret between themselves and the offender. Alternatively, offenders may induce children’s cooperation or normalize the behavior by defining the victimization as a game.
However, there are other potentially productive focused questions related to the circumstances of the abuse. These questions are suggested by the information the interviewer gathers before seeing the child. Examples might be as follows:
“What do you do when Grandpa babysits?”
“How does Daddy take care of you when Mom is at work?”
“What happens when you are in the bath?”
Questions that focus on body parts are generally used in conjunction with anatomically explicit dolls or anatomical drawings. The interviewer has the child give names for the various body parts. Then focused questions can be asked. For example, the interviewer might ask the following questions with regard to the penis:
“Did you ever see a ‘dinky’ (penis)/anybody else’s ‘dinky’?”
“Whose did you see?”
“What does a ‘dinky’ do?”
If the child responds, “It goes ‘pee’,” the interviewer might ask,
“Does it do anything else?”
Comparable questions might be asked of a female victim about the vagina:
“Did you ever see anyone else’s ‘peepee’?”
“Did anyone ever ask you to touch their ‘peepee’?”
“Did anything ever happen to your ‘peepee’ that you didn’t like?”
“Does it ever hurt?”
“What makes it hurt?”
“Does anyone ever touch it?”
If the child responds that she touches it, the interviewer might ask:
“Does anyone else touch it?”
If the child names someone, the evaluator might follow with:
“When does he touch it?”
In some cases or at certain points during an interview, children may not respond to focused questions, or they may reply, “I don’t know,” or “I don’t remember.” In these cases, more directive questions are necessary.
Multiple-Choice Questions
When information is not forthcoming with a focused question, the interviewer may resort to a multiple-choice question. There are several caveats for their use. First, young children may have difficulty with this format, and they will have more difficulty the more options given. Second, interviewers must be sure to include a correct response, so that the child is not given the choice between two or more incorrect responses. Thus, in a case in which the victim has affirmed that another child was there, but did not respond when asked who it was, the interviewer might ask, “Was it one of your friends or someone else?” in case it was someone the child did not know. Third, it is advisable to limit the use of multiple-choice questions to the circumstances of the sexual abuse and, if possible, not to use them to ask about the abuse itself. For example, the interviewer might ask:
“Do you remember if you were wearing your day clothes or your night clothes?”
The interviewer would avoid asking:
“Was it your dad, your stepdad, both, or someone else who hurt your butt?”
Yes-No Questions
Despite the fact that research indicates that even young children provide quite accurate information in response to yes-no questions,76 they are generally used in investigative interviews only when more open-ended questions are not productive, but the interviewer continues to have concerns about abuse. The reason for reservations about yes-no use is concern that they may elicit “social desirability” responses, especially in young children. That is, the child may answer in the affirmative because she/he thinks a positive response is desired. Alternatively, the child may not understand the question and nevertheless answer yes.
Unlike focused questions, yes-no questions usually identify both the alleged offender and the sexual behavior in question. (Focused questions, except those about the circumstances of the abuse, contain one or the other.) Examples of yes-no questions are as follows:
“Did your mom put her finger in your vagina?”
“Was it your stepfather who made your ‘bum’ (anus) bleed?”
Leading Questions
A leading question is one in which the desired answer is specified in the question. Leading questions are commonly encountered by witnesses when they are cross-examined in court. However, they are not appropriate to investigative interviewing of children. Leading questions are usually not necessary and may be perceived as coercive because they convey the interviewer’s own view of events. Interrogations using leading questions also may influence children’s interpretations of events77 and are likely to lead to an attack on the validity of the interview findings. Examples of leading questions are as follows:
“Your dad sucked your penis, didn’t he?”
“Isn’t it true your grandmother told you to say your stepdad put his ‘dick’ in your sister?”
Strategic Use of Questions
The interviewer should use as many open-ended questions as possible. That is, the interviewer endeavors to use general or focused questions and only resorts to multiple-choice or yes-no questions if the former are not eliciting any information. As more close-ended questions are employed, it is prudent to have less confidence in the replies. When information is elicited in response to, for example, a multiple-choice question, the interviewer then reverts to a more open-ended approach, perhaps asking a focused question.
The following series of questions is illustrative: The interviewer asks the child where mom was when the abuse occurred (a focused question), and the child does not reply. The interviewer then asks whether mom was there or not (a multiple-choice question). The child replies that mom was there. The interviewer then asks, “What was she doing?” (a focused question). The child responds, “She was helping my dad.” The interviewer then asks how the mom helped (another focused question). The child says, “It’s hard to say.” The interviewer responds, “Well, did she do any of the touching?” (a yes-no question). The child nods. The interviewer then asks where the mother touched (a focused question).
For a chart that illustrates the continuum of questions, see Appendix C.
Use of Anatomically Explicit Dolls
Anatomical dolls are the most widely employed of the media.78 Although most appropriate for use with children aged 2 to 6, anatomical dolls may be used with children of any age. In this section, the challenges to the dolls, their advantages, and techniques for their use will be discussed.
Challenges to Anatomically Explicit Dolls
The dolls have been challenged, generally by defense attorneys and their expert witnesses, as being “leading,” that is, triggering allegations of sexual abuse because they are “suggestive.” However, research indicates that they do not elicit sexual responses from children who do not have prior sexual knowledge,79 80 and in the few studies that compare the responses of children believed to be sexually abused to those of children not so found, the former are significantly more likely to engage in sexualized behavior with the dolls than the latter.81 82 However, many children believed to have been sexually abused do not engage in sexualized behavior with the dolls.
Nevertheless, a definitive determination of sexual abuse is made not merely on the basis of what the child does with the dolls. Children may learn about sexual activity in ways other than being abused, for example, from consensual involvement with peers, from viewing erotica or pornography, or from sex education classes. Therefore, if the child spontaneously demonstrates sexual activity with the dolls, the interviewer needs to ask questions to clarify the source of the child’s knowledge.
That is, if a child puts the penis of the adult male doll into the vagina of the female child doll, such behavior is certainly suggestive but not conclusive. In response to such a demonstration, the interviewer might ask, “Who does that?” in order to find out whether or not the child has been sexually abused.
In addition, anatomically explicit dolls have been criticized because they have not been subjected to the validation process employed with psychological tests. As noted above, there have been studies employing the dolls with general populations of children and a small number of studies that compare the responses of children assumed to have been sexually abused to those assumed to have not been abused.83 However, the dolls are not meant to be a psychological test, any more than Barbie™* dolls are. Rather, they are a medium through which interviewers may communicate with children, just as language is.
Advantages of Anatomically Explicit Dolls
The dolls are not a magical instrument that makes disclosure of sexual abuse automatic. In addition, the small number of studies comparing anatomical dolls to other media, for example, regular dolls, suggest thus far no particular superiority of the dolls over other media. However, the advantages noted by clinicians include:
For young children, the dolls may be a more familiar medium than speech, and often one in which they are more accomplished, because children generally interact with toys, including dolls, before they have a lot of language.
The dolls’ explicit parts may serve as a stimulus to remind the child of sexual abuse.
Their genitalia, breasts, mouth openings, and anal openings allow for more precise communication than speech or nonexplicit dolls.
For many children, who actually have the language to communicate, showing what happened with the dolls may be easier than telling.
How to Use Anatomically Explicit Dolls
There is no scientifically demonstrated right or wrong way to use the dolls. Everson and Boat 84 have reviewed the various guidelines for using anatomical dolls and have determined that there are five different functions they may serve – comforter, ice-breaker, anatomical model, demonstration aid, or memory stimulus. The most commonly endorsed functions are as an anatomical model, as a demonstration aid, or as a memory stimulus.
When the dolls serve different functions, they may be used in different ways. Three methods of using the dolls and the functions they serve are described.
Scenario in which the child spontaneously engages with the dolls. Some interviewers have the dolls available in the room with their clothing on. Children will sometimes pick up the dolls and begin playing with them. Depending on the stage of the interview, the interviewer may encourage the child to examine the dolls more closely. This process may involve the use of several dolls, usually four, and may include identifying them by gender and whether adult or child, undressing them, and identifying body parts, including the private body parts. In this process, the dolls may serve as a memory stimulus.
The interviewer may interpret unusual reactions to the dolls, for example, marked fear or sexualized behavior, as indicative of possible sexual abuse, and will want to pursue these reactions further. The child might be asked why seeing the doll caused her/him to be so upset. If sexualized behavior was noted, the child might be asked who does that and additional questions about the acts the child has demonstrated.
Similarly the sight of the genitalia on the dolls may serve as a memory stimulus and result in a statement about sexual abuse or something indicating advanced sexual knowledge. Again the interviewer will pursue these leads by asking for specifics and further information.
When the mere sight of the dolls with genitalia does not lead to any information, the interviewer may use them as an anatomical model. Using the names the child has given for the genitalia, the interviewer asks questions about the dolls and their genitalia. Below are sample questions about the penis and possible responses. It is important that the interviewer have in his/her repertoire a range of ways to approach the child, but the interviewer should allow the child ample time to respond and avoid a barrage of questions.
“Who has a ‘dingdong’?” “Did you ever see one?” “Whose did you see?” “Does anything ever come out of the ..dingdong’?” If the child responds yes, “What color is it?” If the child says white, milk, or like snot, “Did any ever get anywhere on or in you?”
“Did anyone ever try to do something to you with a ‘dingdong’?” “What did he try to do?” “Can you show me with the dolls?”
“Did anyone ever want you to do something to or with his ‘dingdong’?” “Can you show me with the dolls what he wanted you to do?” “Did you have to do it?”
“Do you know what a ‘dingdong’ feels like?” “Does it ever change?” “Does it ever get bigger?” “Is it hard or soft?” “Is it hanging down, or does it stick up?” “Can you show me with the dolls how it goes?”
Similar questions can and in many cases should be asked about other genitalia and the anus. However, caution should be used in asking questions about erections, semen, and how the semen tastes when there is no independent information that the child is likely to possess such knowledge. This will avoid a circumstance in which the interviewer introduces the child to advanced sexual knowledge.
In cases in which the child spontaneously picks up the dolls, they can be used somewhat differently as an anatomical model as follows: rather than asking children about their own experiences, once the dolls have been undressed, children can be asked what might have happened to the doll, or the doll can be named (using a name other than the child’s) and then questions asked about its experiences. This may make the discussion less threatening. Thus, instead of asking a female victim about her own vagina, the interviewer might ask about “this girl’s ‘peepee’.” If positive information is elicited, it is important to ask if something like that happened to the child and, if so, with whom.
Comparable questions can be asked about the naked dolls, rather than their parts. Examples might be:
“What do they do when they have their clothes off?” inviting the child to demonstrate.
“Do the mom and dad ever do anything when they’re naked?”
“Show me how they take a bath.”
“Does the daddy ever do anything to the girl when she’s naked?” If the child affirms, “Can you show me that?”
Again, the interviewer must ascertain that the child is speaking about her/his own experience if the child reveals any knowledge of sexual activity.
Scenario in which the dolls are introduced during the discussion of sexual abuse. Another way the dolls can be used is during the course of verbal disclosure. In this instance, the dolls are used as a demonstration aid. There are several circumstances in which they can be used in this manner. If a child is saying, “I don’t want to talk about it,” the interviewer may ask the child if she/he prefers or would find it easier to show. Second, the dolls may be used to clarify or obtain more detail about a verbal disclosure, for example, what exactly “humping” is. Third, the dolls may be used as a medium to corroborate the child’s verbal statements. It is especially important, with children who are 2 to 6 years old, to get them to clarify or corroborate any verbal disclosures with the dolls. With children aged 6 and older, the evaluator may ask if they prefer to show what happened with dolls, draw a picture, or tell about it.
To introduce the dolls, the interviewer may say to the child that she/he has some dolls that are a little bit different. The interviewer may then select relevant dressed dolls and might ask the child if she/he has ever seen dolls like these before, as they are undressed. Alternatively, the evaluator may introduce one doll, undressing it to show the child how the dolls are different, and then have the child choose the dolls to use to “show what happened.” Children may demonstrate by using two (or more) dolls, or they may use the doll and their own bodies.
For example, one 3-year-old girl, when asked to show how Daddy hurt her, using the dolls, picked up the naked adult male doll and thrust his penis into her crotch, saying “unh, unh, unh.”
In such a situation, questions can be asked to obtain specific detail, such as:
“Can you show me how far his ‘dick’ went into your mouth?” “Did anything come out of his ‘dick’ when he did that?”
“Do you remember what room you were in?” “Were you on the bed or somewhere else?” “Can you show how he did it?”
Some children will not respond when asked to use the dolls to demonstrate the alleged abuse. The interviewer then may proceed to less spontaneous approaches. For example, the child may be asked to point to the place on the child doll where something happened to her/him, and if the child does point, then the child may be asked what exactly happened. Similarly, the interviewer may ask the child to point to the part of the adult doll’s body that was used in the encounter, assuming some sort of an encounter has been affirmed. If the child designates a body part, the child is then asked to demonstrate exactly what happened.
Finally, if no information is forthcoming from the approaches already described, the interviewer can ask the child if she/he will answer “yes” or “no” if the interviewer points on the child doll to the parts of the child’s body that might have been involved. Alternatively, the interviewer can use the adult male doll to ask the child to reply “yes” or “no” to the parts of the alleged offender’s body that might have been involved. These are yes-no questions and therefore fairly close-ended. It is advisable to point to some body parts very unlikely to be involved in order to test for possible “social desirability” responses. If confirming information is elicited, then, of course, the interviewer reverts to more open-ended questions.
Scenario in which the dolls are introduced without any cues. Finally, the dolls can be introduced independent of any opening by the child. If no opportunities for a discussion on sexual abuse have arisen, some professionals will introduce the dolls toward the middle of the interview. However, others prefer to introduce the dolls rather early to elicit material about possible sexual abuse. When used in this manner, the dolls may serve as a memory stimulus or a diagnostic screen, but their major use is as an anatomical model.
Some professionals use the dolls to assist in identifying private (where it’s “ok” to touch yourself in private, but where others should not touch you) versus other body parts, or good and bad touch areas. Sometimes touch is differentiated as good (e.g., a hug), bad (e.g., a slap), and trick – which feels good but is bad because it is in a private area. Then the child is asked about any experiences of touching in the private area or bad or trick touching.
Objections have been raised to the concept of good and bad touch, and it may be advisable to avoid using this concept for three reasons. First, the term “touch” is confusing to young children and may foreclose consideration of some types of activity (e.g., licking and object or penile intrusion). Second, the terms, “good” and “bad” may be too vague in that they do not connote the actual body parts. Third, the use of good and bad to refer to breasts, genitalia, and anus may lead to negative perceptions of the private body parts. However, these views of good and bad touch represent professional preference. There is no evidence that the use of the “good touch/bad touch” approach either contaminates or invalidates an interview.
Use of Anatomical Drawings
Anatomical drawings are pictures of adults and children, males and females, at different developmental stages – elder, adult, adolescent, latency age, and preschooler, without clothing and with primary and secondary sex characteristics. These drawings may have the frontal position presented on one side of the page and the dorsal on the other. 85 They are used like skin maps; therefore, relevant pictures are used for each child interviewed.
In many respects, the use of anatomical drawings parallels the use of anatomically explicit dolls. Anatomical drawings are useful with the same age range of children as the dolls; they are particularly useful with very young children but also appropriate with older children. Appropriate pictures are chosen by either the child or the interviewer. The child can be asked to mark on the drawing or point to the part on the drawing that was involved.
The disadvantage of pictures is that it is more difficult for the child to enact any sexual behavior with pictures. However, children may make clothing for the pictures in order to demonstrate how clothing was removed, put one drawing on another to show “humping” (intercourse), and draw arrows and lines between genitalia in order to indicate intercourse.
On the other hand, anatomical drawings have the considerable advantage of being a permanent, visual record. They become part of the interviewer’s case record and, as such, are admissible in court. In addition, the drawings have not been challenged as the anatomical dolls have.
Because of the potential use of drawings as evidence, it is advisable for professionals to put as much information as possible on the drawings. Professionals should have the child write the name of the person whom the particular drawing represents, if the child can do so. If the child cannot write, the interviewer should write the name. The interviewer should encourage a child to write or draw on the pictures to illustrate aspects of the abuse. For example, if the child indicates the offender used a finger to hurt her vagina, the interviewer should have her circle or mark the appropriate finger(s), and then the child or the interviewer should write beside the finger that it is the one that went in her vagina. Professionals should write on the picture the questions asked and the child’s responses. For example, in a situation involving sexual abuse in day care, a 4-year-old girl marked the penis, the head, and the feet on the anatomical drawing representing her little brother. These were the places “the teachers did bad things.” Beside each of the child’s marks was written “a place the teachers did bad things.” The questions and the child B’s whispered responses were written beside the penis on the picture representing B’s brother:
Int.: “Who did something to his penis?”
B.: “Miss Rose.”
Int.: “What did she do?”
B.: “Bit it.”
Int.: “How do you know?”
B.: “I saw her.”
Use of Picture Drawing
Although a few clinicians have made observations about the characteristics of drawings of sexually abused children,86 87 there has been no systematic exploration of their content. Nevertheless, many types of pictures can be helpful. Drawing is most useful as a diagnostic technique with latency-aged children. However, children as young as age 4, and in some cases 3, can produce useful drawings as long as the various items in the picture are labeled and explanations are written on the picture. Some adolescents will prefer to draw a picture of what has occurred rather than to describe it verbally.
Drawing can have uses other than gathering information about possible sexual abuse. For instance, drawing can be employed to reduce tension, to understand issues other than sexual abuse, and to assess the child’s overall functioning.
The interviewer may employ pictures either indirectly or directly to gather information that may be related to the child’s victimization. Asking the child to draw any of the following pictures may indirectly result in findings:
“Draw me a picture of anything.”
“Draw me a picture of yourself.”
“Draw me a picture of a person.”
“Draw me a picture of your family.”
“Draw me a picture of your family doing something.”
“Draw me a picture of (possible perpetrator).”
Sometimes sexual content (e.g., genitalia or sexual acts) is noted in the pictures. If this is the case, questions should be asked about this content. The child’s responses may provide information about sexual abuse. For example, a 5-year-old child, when asked to draw “anything,” drew a picture of “Daddy” with a large “peanuts” (penis). When asked what the “peanut” was and if she had ever seen one, she eventually described her father taking her into his bed and fondling her as he fondled himself.
Alternatively, asking the child to talk about the picture may elicit information about abuse. For example, the interviewer might ask what is happening in the picture or what makes the person in the drawing happy, sad, angry, and scared. A 5-year-old drew a picture of her mother and her mother’s boyfriend and then scribbled over the drawing. When asked what they were doing, she indicated the scribbles meant they were having sex.
If the child fails to provide any information about sexual abuse in response to queries about drawings, then caution should be exercised in their interpretation. Although the specifics of the pictures and other information about the case must be taken into account, pictures of genitalia do not necessarily mean the child has been sexually abused, and a sad drawing could have a wide range of significance.
The following drawing requests are aimed at gathering information directly and may be used when the child has already indicated something happened.
“Draw me a picture of (identified perpetrator).”
“Draw me a picture of where (the abuse) happened.”
“Draw me a picture of what (the perpetrator) did.”
“Draw me a picture of the (instrument/body part) he used.”
These requests may be used when children are having difficulty disclosing, when there is a need to clarify what the child has said or demonstrated, or when the interviewer wants to corroborate disclosures using the medium of drawing.
To facilitate disclosure, the interviewer may ask the child if she/he would rather draw when the child says she/he doesn’t want to talk. Further, if the child claims not to remember very much, asking the child to draw the location of the alleged abuse may trigger recollection of detail and free the child to discuss the abuse.
Drawings that may be particularly helpful for clarification are pictures of what the offender used (instrument or body part) and of what happened. A 5-year-old with vaginal injury referred to an instrument used in her abuse as “Daddy’s stick” but could not give further detail. The police officer interviewing her asked her to draw it, and she drew what appeared to be a ruler. Her mother was able to say where in the house it would be found, and the officer got a warrant and seized the physical evidence.
Like anatomical pictures, the child’s drawings become part of the case record and can be submitted into evidence. Therefore, the interviewer should have the child label various parts of the drawings and write relevant comments. Again, if the child is unable to do this, the interviewer should label the drawings.
The Dollhouse
Very little has been written about the use of the dollhouse in interviewing children alleged to have been sexually abused. Nevertheless many mental health professionals and some CPS workers use it in investigative interviewing. It is especially useful with preschoolers.88
Larger dollhouses, with sturdy furniture and people 3 to 6 inches tall, are optimal. The bigger the people, the easier it will be for the child to show activities and for the interviewer to see them. Most dollhouse people do not have removable clothing, which makes it difficult for the child to demonstrate some sexual abuse. However, the dollhouse provides a better opportunity to address the issue of the context of the sexual abuse than most other media.
Like drawings, dollhouse play can have goals other than data gathering about possible sexual abuse. For example, dollhouse play can be used to get to know the child and to understand something about how the child generally perceives families and family activity. And again like drawings, the dollhouse can be used indirectly and directly to gather information about possible sexual abuse.
Indirect use could involve observing the child’s dollhouse play and then commenting or asking questions when themes possibly related to sexual abuse are present. For example, the child might repeatedly have the little girl doll going to bed with the adult male. The interviewer might ask what is happening when they go to bed.
The interviewer might use the dollhouse more directly to gather information if he/she has some background about the context of possible abuse. In a case involving a little girl who had just turned age 3, the mother thought the father had inserted something into the child’s vagina one evening when the mother was lying ill on the couch and the father gave their daughter a bath. During the second session with the child, the interviewer structured the dollhouse situation so the mother doll was on the couch, the little girl doll in the bathtub, and the father in the bathroom. When the child approached the dollhouse, familiar to her from the previous session, she froze and began to shake. Later she demonstrated sexual abuse by her father.
Other examples of using contextual information might involve setting up a scenario around bedtime or watching television and then asking the child to show what happens at bedtime or TV time and other relevant questions.
Research on the Reliability and Suggestibility of Child Witnesses
Along with other challenges to allegations of sexual abuse have come challenges to the credibility of children as witnesses. Questions regarding the accuracy of their memories and their suggestibility have been raised.
Fortunately for professionals concerned about the sexual abuse of children, these questions have been addressed through a series of experiments that simulate some of the circumstances of sexual abuse. In general, these studies indicate that children can remember and that they are resistant to suggestion.
Children’s Memories
Older children have more complete recall than younger children. However, studies indicate children as young as 3 years old can recall experiences comparable to those found in sexual abuse. Young children remember fewer details and recall central rather than peripheral events when compared to older children.89 Moreover, although children may not volunteer information about concerning events (a genital exam) or traumatic events (an inoculation or having blood drawn),90 similar in some respects to sexual victimization, such events are recalled as well by children as adults.91 Children’s ability to provide accurate accounts appears to be facilitated by the availability of “props,” such as anatomically explicit dolls, regular dolls, and anatomical drawings.92 93 As noted in the discussion of appropriate questions, children may require fairly direct questions in order to provide information. Children’s memories will fade over time, but their recall can be enhanced by periodic recall of the events in question.
Children’s Suggestibility
The research indicates that most children are resistant to giving false positive responses to leading and suggestive questions. When they do provide false positives, they are generally limited to a nod or a simple “yes.” Older children are more resistant to suggestion than younger ones.94 Children are much more likely to deny actual experiences, which are perceived as traumatic or unacceptable, than to make false assertions about events that did not occur.
However, one study found that children are suggestible, not with regard to factual data but as to the interpretation of the facts. In a study involving 75 children, Clarke-Stewart had a cleaning man interact with toys. In one condition, the man described his activities as cleaning and in the other as playing. The children were then interrogated by an interviewer who pressured the child to interpret the man’s behavior as either cleaning or playing. The researchers found that children did not change their statements regarding what had actually taken place, but most children were highly influenced by the interviewer’s interpretation of the cleaning man’s acts (cleaning versus playing). The implications of this study are clear. They reiterate the importance of using open-ended questions as much as possible and caution professionals to be careful about interpreting behavior, especially child care behaviors.95
Criteria To Be Used To Substantiate Sexual Abuse
Once data have been gathered from the child interview and other sources, the interviewer must decide whether, in her/his opinion, the child was sexually abused. A number of writers have addressed this issue.96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 All of these authors are of the opinion that substantiating information must go beyond affirmative responses to one or two questions, and most suggest some combination of descriptive detail and emotional reaction to the content. Indeed, there is a fair amount of consensus among these writings about the characteristics of a true account of abuse.
However, there has been very little research on the extent to which these clinical criteria are actually present in true cases, in large part because it is so difficult to isolate cases that are proven to be true. The criteria developed by Faller105 will be presented here because there is one research study that examines the extent to which they are found in cases substantiated by offender confession, because they are parsimoniously organized, and because they are fairly consistent with the criteria developed by other writers.
There are three general categories of information that should be assessed in the child’s statements and/or behavior:
a description (either verbal or behavioral) of the sexual behavior;
information about the context of the sexual abuse; and
an emotional reaction consistent with the behavior being described, the child’s functioning, and the circumstances of the interview.
A Description of the Sexual Abuse
In assessing the child’s description of the sexual activity, the interviewer is looking for:
sexual knowledge beyond that expected for the child’s developmental stage;
an account consistent with a child’s perspective; and
an explicit description of the sexual acts.
Advanced sexual knowledge and a child’s perspective are, of course, more persuasive findings with younger children. An explicit account is relevant for children of all ages.
Information About the Context of the Sexual Abuse
Information about the context of the sexual abuse might include:
where it happened;
when it happened;
where other people in the family were;
what the offender might have said to involve the child;
what the victim and offender were wearing and what clothing was removed;
the frequency and/or duration of the abuse;
whether the offender said anything about telling or not telling;
whether the child told; and
if so, whom did the child tell and that person’s response.
The child may have been sexually abused many times and, therefore, may not remember details about all instances. It is best to ask the child to tell about the last time in order to obtain contextual information. In the research on these criteria, the child was considered to have provided sufficient contextual material if she/he gave three pieces of contextual information.
Preschool children will probably have a hard time focusing on and describing the most recent incident. In addition, they will not have the ability to abstract and say, for example, “Sometimes it happened in the bathroom, at other times in the basement, and once at my grandmother’s house.” As a consequence, their accounts of the context (and the abuse, itself) may be confusing and apparently inconsistent. What may be happening is the child may be recalling different incidents when being questioned at different times or by different people. These problems may occur when preschool children are interviewed by different people and/or at different times, or when they recount two or more different incidents, or parts of them, in the same interview.
An Emotional Reaction Consistent With the Abuse Being Described
Children may have a variety of emotional reactions to sexual abuse, depending on the characteristics of the child and the abuse. The following are common emotional reactions and associated child or abuse characteristics:
reluctance to disclose: characteristic of most children except possibly for very disturbed or very young children;
embarrassment: a rather mild response often found in disturbed and young children;
anger: more characteristic of boy victims (but not always evident);
anxiety: noted frequently in adolescent girls;
disgust: a typical reaction to oral sex;
depression: often present in victims who care for the abuser or feel they are responsible;
fear: typical of cases in which the child has been injured or threatened during the course of the victimization; and
sexual arousal: another response sometimes found in disturbed and young children.
Situations In Which the Clinical Criteria May Not Be Found
The small number of studies that examine clinical criteria in proven cases (which are usually substantiated with offender confession) find that a substantial number of children’s accounts lack the expected criteria.106 107 108 For example, in Faller’s study, only 68 percent of accounts contained all three criteria. Young age of the victim and being a boy were associated with not satisfying the expected criteria. Younger children were less likely to provide contextual detail and to evidence an emotional response consistent with the account. Similarly, boy victims were less likely to describe the abuse and to exhibit affect.
There can be other good reasons why children fail to manifest the expected clinical criteria. Affect may be absent because the child dissociates, the child has told about the abuse many times, or the trauma has already been addressed in treatment. In addition, emotionally disturbed children, who have suffered many other traumas, may not become upset about sexual abuse because, compared to their other life experiences, it is not as bad. Detail may be absent because the abuse has been repressed or because it happened long ago and has been forgotten.
It is legitimate to substantiate a case with only a description of the sexual abuse.
Moreover, it is important for interviewers to appreciate that a child’s inability to describe sexual abuse does not mean it did not happen. It means that sexual abuse cannot be confirmed, but that is different from it not having happened. Research on adult survivors indicates that many victims never tell.
Criteria for Confirming an Allegation From Other Sources
There are other sources of information that can support a finding of child sexual abuse.
Suspect’s Confession
The most definitive finding is the suspect’s confession. Unfortunately it is uncommon, particularly at the point of investigation, when the alleged offender may be very frightened and concerned primarily with his own well-being.
An operational definition of a full confession is that the alleged offender admits to all or more sexual activity described by the child. As a partial confession, the suspect may make “incriminating” statements by admitting to some but not all of the child’s allegations. Alleged offenders may minimize their behavior by admitting to “just touching,” may deny acts involving severe penalties, or may not admit to certain behavior they find particularly shameful. These incriminating statements deserve attention because they may be found in cases in which the suspects are frightened to admit. There appear to be several types:
The alleged offender may claim diminished capacity.
“I don’t remember what I do when I’ve been drinking.”
The suspect admits to the behavior but says it was not intended to be sexually abusive. There are actually two types of cases that fall within this category, those in which the suspect says the mistake was on his part and those in which he insists his behavior has been misinterpreted. Examples follow:
“I forgot my daughter was in the bed with me. I thought she was my wife.”
“I was only trying to show her the difference between men’s privates and little girls’.”
The evaluator must use common sense in assessing the probability that the alleged offenders’ explanations are likely and feasible. There will be cases, especially those involving child care activities, where this is quite difficult.
In addition, the suspect may admonish professionals to attend to the accounts of others.
“My daughter would never lie about a thing like that.”
Finally, the alleged offender may say that he didn’t abuse the child, but he is confessing to it to get on with treatment or to keep his daughter from having to testify against him in court.
Medical Evidence
As noted in the previous chapter, there has been considerable progress in the documentation of physical findings from sexual abuse.
Other Physical Evidence
In some cases, the police and sometimes others will have obtained physical evidence such as pornography or instruments used in the abuse.
Eyewitnesses
Occasionally, there will be eyewitnesses to sexual abuse. These may be other children who were also abused or who observed abuse. They may also be adult eyewitnesses, sometimes the spouse of the offender.
Forming a Conclusion About Sexual Abuse
In order to arrive at a conclusion about the likelihood of sexual abuse, the professional weighs the clinical findings from the child’s interview as well as confirming evidence from other sources. Rarely is the professional 100-percent sure that the abuse occurred as described, with absolutely no room whatsoever for doubt. On the other hand, it is extremely difficult to determine without any doubt that the sexual abuse did not occur. In this regard, Jones has developed a useful concept, a continuum of certainty. Cases fall somewhere along a continuum from very likely to very unlikely.109
For guidelines that can be used to establish the likelihood of an occurrence of sexual abuse, see Appendix D.

MYTHS & FACTS ABOUT CHILD MOLESTERS

Posted by Sandra On January - 19 - 2010 4 COMMENTS
Myths and Facts About Child Molesters

(SOURCE: http://rapeinfo.wordpress.com/2008/07/08/profile-of-a-child-molester/)

Myth: Anyone who would molest a child is seedy-looking or looks suspicious. I’d know them by looking at them.
Fact: Handsome, rich men molest children. Beautiful, talented women molest children. Ordinary people you laugh with every day molest children. You simply cannot tell a child sexual predator by looking. (But do pay attention to your instincts, which see deeper than a person’s surface appearance.)
Myth: Child molesters are unsociable and isolated. If I knew any, I’m sure I naturally wouldn’t like them.
Fact: Most child molesters are known and liked by others. Plus, they cultivate certain relationships in order to gain access to children, and many are genial and personable individuals with whom others enjoy socializing.
Myth: Married men don’t molest children–they have their wives. Besides, a married man would only molest a child if he wasn’t getting sex from his wife.
Fact: Marital status doesn’t correlate to whether a person is a sexual predator or not. KEY FACT: A man deprived of sex does not morph into a child sexual predator. Molesting children is about preferring the power position and avoiding vulnerability. The taste for sex with children is separate from a normal human adult sex drive oriented to adults.
Myth: He’s a pastor (or teacher, or elder, or highly respected businessman–fill in the blank with anyone)–he would never do that.
Fact: Child molesters can be anyone–anyone at all. We must not hesitate to blow the whistle on a child molester regardless of position, fame, or wealth. Our children are worth more than that.
Myth: He has a Ph.D., she’s president of the company–too smart to be doing something that depraved.
Fact: Molesting children is not a function of low income or intelligence. Geniuses can be child molesters; millionaires can be child molesters.
Myth: A real child molester would never talk about the subject.
Fact: A child molester may say contemptuous things like “Child molesters are the sickest people on the planet” or “Child molesters deserve the death penalty.” The rest of us might say things like that too, so this isn’t an indicator by itself–just a warning that predators know the right line to take.
Myth: He hugs and cuddles my child in healthy ways right in front of me, and my child doesn’t resist or fuss. So obviously nothing’s happening.
Fact: Molesters themselves say that they deliberately do this so that your child, the victim, thinks you approve of the way the molester touches them. A child assumes his parents know what’s going on, so when the molester hugs him in front of you and you’re fine with that, the child thinks you’re OK with what happens in private too.
If I Can’t Tell Who They Are, What Can I Do?

Fortunately, many things.
Listen to your instincts. If you feel a deep disquiet or unease around someone, simply don’t let that person have access to your child–especially not alone time.
Don’t put your faith in the presence of a group. A child molester can and will single out a child while on group trips such as camping, Scout outings, etc. Child sexual predators go on trips like this because they know they can get alone time with their victim.
Make sure your child gets plenty of healthy attention, love, and physical affection at home. This prevents your child from having the vulnerability that predators look for in potential victims. A healthy, well-loved child with good self-esteem is less likely to be targeted. In a sense, molesters are looking for victims who are already victims.
Make yourself a safe person for your child to talk to. If he does something wrong, don’t take out your frustration on him or blame him. I have a 1-year-old and a 4-year-old, and my natural reaction is, “Haven’t I TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES not to do that?” or “Why on EARTH would you do a thing like that?” or “Honey, why didn’t you just ASK ME FOR HELP!” It feels good to let the steam blow out my ears, but then my kids clam up and stop trusting me. This is because they’re not stupid children. Instead, try “Okay, that wasn’t good, was it? Why was it not good? What’s your plan for the future?” Say this patiently and supportively, not in anger.
Impose appropriate consequences without anger. This can’t be overemphasized. If you get angry whenever your child fails or misbehaves, or you get upset a lot in general, be certain she will learn never to tell you anything. And a child without a parent he trusts is a victim waiting to be victimized. Molesters know this. They watch for this type of relationship between a parent and a child so they can exploit it and gain the victim’s trust with patience and kindness.
Teach your child early that no one has the right to touch her private parts and that she can say a strong “NO” and you will back her up completely. She can fight or run away or tattle and you will stand by her 100 percent. Molesters make threats about what parents will or won’t do to a child if he tells, so you have to have that trust with your child.
Don’t consistently let any one adult go on isolated alone activities with your child.
Study adults, particularly men (sorry, gentlemen–it’s statistics and the “can’t tell by looking” thing again, so you get extra eyeballing even if you’re a genuinely good guy), who work with children and still want to spend more time with them outside of work. They may take children on special outings outside of work, for example. Also study those who seem way more plugged into youth culture than into age-appropriate adult culture. Whether or not a person twangs your intuition, observe the person closely and don’t let him have your child alone until you’re satisfied he’s completely safe. Talk to others about him. Find out all you can.
If your child spends a lot of individual time with someone, ask your child carefully phrased questions about whether the child has been exposed to any sexual material of any kind. Kids are curious. If it’s presented to them, they’ll probably watch and listen.
If you suspect your spouse may be molesting your child, watch closely. Do you feel like somehow, subtly, you’re being cast as the bad guy to your child, while your spouse is the good guy? Abusers gradually block communication between their child and the other parent, and damage the trust in that relationship.
If you’re a parent married to a stepparent, be aware that all the statistics show a significantly higher incidence of child sexual abuse among stepparents than among birth parents. Molesters target a child or children, then marry the mother in order to gain access to the children. The biggest way you can prevent this, if there’s any possibility of it happening (and you have to tell yourself frankly to look for it even if you don’t think it’s ever going to happen in your house), is to keep the lines of trust and communication open between yourself and your children. You may be thrilled with your new spouse’s interest in your children–but watch for signs that he’s giving them treats and rewards while subtly coming between you and them. Is he subtly teaching them that you’re not trustworthy and he is? Is he gaining their trust while undercutting you or your relationship with your children? While you want to back up your new spouse, you also want your children to know you’re still with them in spirit and that you trust them and support them. You can support your spouse while still letting your kids know that you believe what they say on a day-to-day basis.
How Do Child Molesters Control Victims and Keep Them From Telling?

Glad you asked. Keep in mind that these answers come from molesters themselves:
I’ll do anything to get to your child and to keep your child once I’ve victimized her.  I’ll do anything and say anything to keep assaulting your child and to keep your child from telling. I really don’t care if it’s harming your child–I just care about pursuing sexual gratification.
I threaten your child with the loss of his family. I tell him he’ll be taken away from his family if he tells, or that his parents will be taken away.
I threaten your child with violence to her or to her family.
I manipulate your child into thinking it’s his fault. Or I make him think he’s at least partly responsible and that if anybody gets punished, it will be him.
I tell your child this is normal parental behavior.
I win your child’s love and trust with treats, attention, and “love.” If she’s not getting love and attention from you, she’ll get it from me. [Note: This includes children with a full-time stay-at-home parent. If they’re not getting love and attention from Dad–or Mom, as the case may be–they’ll be looking for it.]
So How Can I Tell If My Child is Being Molested?

He becomes extremely modest and protective of showing his body. Or he goes the other direction and sexually acts out.
She has genital pain, itching, discharge, bleeding, stomachaches, headaches, or other physical complaints. Stomachaches and headaches that stem from sexual assault are very real physical pain.
He starts sleeping poorly, starts wetting his bed, has new fears, refuses to go to places he’s been before or be with certain people, starts having school problems or difficulties with peers, cries excessively, is depressed, gets clingy or aggressive, or becomes secretive.
She may try different methods of escapism, such as running away, drugs or alcohol, daydreaming, or isolating herself.
Be aware that some children being molested may not show any of these symptoms. Some child molesters groom their victims so successfully that the children love their abusers and even try to protect them.
Resources
The Center for Behavioral Intervention in Oregon has put out a terrific brochure called “Protecting Your Children: Advice From Child Molesters.” To get a copy, call 503.644.2772. The organization doesn’t seem to have a website right now.
Impact Personal Safety is a top personal safety organization nationwide. They have practical, real-world self-defense classes for adult women and men, teenagers, and children. Classes and school programs are available. For a history of the organization, see the Impact site, or read here.

DAYCARE SAFETY TIPS FOR PARENTS

Posted by Sandra On January - 19 - 2010 2 COMMENTS

Prevent Child Abuse: Tips to Help Keep Your Child Safe in Daycare

This page contains tips on child safety and security for parents and guardians.  They are simple, common sense suggestions that will help keep your children from being an easy target for a criminal.  They deal with the following:

READ MORE:  (SOURCE)

http://www.sandiego.gov/police/prevention/childsafety.shtml

Networking Safety Tips: Help Keep Your Children SAFE

Posted by Sandra On January - 19 - 2010 1 COMMENT

(SOURCE:  http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/edu/pubs/consumer/tech/tec14.shtm)

Social Networking Sites: Safety Tips for Tweens and Teens

You’ve probably learned a long list of important safety and privacy lessons already: Look both ways before crossing the street; buckle up; hide your diary where your nosy brother can’t find it; don’t talk to strangers.

The Federal Trade Commission, the nation’s consumer protection agency, is urging kids to add one more lesson to the list: Don’t post information about yourself online that you don’t want the whole world to know. The Internet is the world’s biggest information exchange: many more people could see your information than you intend, including your parents, your teachers, your employer, the police — and strangers, some of whom could be dangerous.

Social networking sites have added a new factor to the “friends of friends” equation. By providing information about yourself and using blogs, chat rooms, email, or instant messaging, you can communicate, either within a limited community, or with the world at large. But while the sites can increase your circle of friends, they also can increase your exposure to people who have less-than-friendly intentions. You’ve heard the stories about people who were stalked by someone they met online, had their identity stolen, or had their computer hacked.

Your Safety’s at Stake

The FTC suggests these tips for socializing safely online:

  • Think about how different sites work before deciding to join a site. Some sites will allow only a defined community of users to access posted content; others allow anyone and everyone to view postings.
  • Think about keeping some control over the information you post. Consider restricting access to your page to a select group of people, for example, your friends from school, your club, your team, your community groups, or your family.
  • Keep your information to yourself. Don’t post your full name, Social Security number, address, phone number, or bank and credit card account numbers — and don’t post other people’s information, either. Be cautious about posting information that could be used to identify you or locate you offline. This could include the name of your school, sports team, clubs, and where you work or hang out.
  • Make sure your screen name doesn’t say too much about you. Don’t use your name, your age, or your hometown. Even if you think your screen name makes you anonymous, it doesn’t take a genius to combine clues to figure out who you are and where you can be found.
  • Post only information that you are comfortable with others seeing — and knowing — about you. Many people can see your page, including your parents, your teachers, the police, the college you might want to apply to next year, or the job you might want to apply for in five years.
  • Remember that once you post information online, you can’t take it back. Even if you delete the information from a site, older versions exist on other people’s computers.
  • Consider not posting your photo. It can be altered and broadcast in ways you may not be happy about. If you do post one, ask yourself whether it’s one your mom would display in the living room.
  • Flirting with strangers online could have serious consequences. Because some people lie about who they really are, you never really know who you’re dealing with.
  • Be wary if a new online friend wants to meet you in person. Before you decide to meet someone, do your research: Ask whether any of your friends know the person, and see what background you can dig up through online search engines. If you decide to meet them, be smart about it: Meet in a public place, during the day, with friends you trust. Tell an adult or a responsible sibling where you’re going, and when you expect to be back.
  • Trust your gut if you have suspicions. If you feel threatened by someone or uncomfortable because of something online, tell an adult you trust and report it to the police and the social networking site. You could end up preventing someone else from becoming a victim.

For More Information

To learn more about staying safe online, visit the following organizations:Federal Trade Commission — www.OnGuardOnline.gov
The FTC works for the consumer to prevent fraudulent, deceptive, and unfair business practices in the marketplace and to provide information to help consumers spot, stop, and avoid them. To file a complaint or to get free information on consumer issues, visit ftc.gov or call toll-free, 1-877-FTC-HELP (1-877-382-4357); TTY: 1-866-653-4261. The FTC enters Internet, telemarketing, identity theft, and other fraud-related complaints into Consumer Sentinel, a secure, online database available to hundreds of civil and criminal law enforcement agencies in the U.S. and abroad.

The FTC manages OnGuardOnline.gov, which provides practical tips from the federal government and the technology industry to help you be on guard against Internet fraud, secure your computer, and protect your personal information.

GetNetWise — www.getnetwise.org
GetNetWise is a public service sponsored by Internet industry corporations and public interest organizations to help ensure that Internet users have safe, constructive, and educational or entertaining online experiences. The GetNetWise coalition wants Internet users to be just “one click away” from the resources they need to make informed decisions about their and their family’s use of the Internet.

Internet Keep Safe Coalition — www.iKeepSafe.org
iKeepSafe.org, home of Faux Paw the Techno Cat, is a coalition of 49 governors/first spouses, law enforcement, the American Medical Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and other associations dedicated to helping parents, educators, and caregivers by providing tools and guidelines to teach children the safe and healthy use of technology. The organization’s vision is to see generations of children worldwide grow up safely using technology and the Internet.

i-SAFE — www.i-safe.org
Founded in 1998 and endorsed by the U.S. Congress, i-SAFE is a non-profit foundation dedicated to protecting the online experiences of youth everywhere. i-SAFE incorporates classroom curriculum with dynamic community outreach to empower students, teachers, parents, law enforcement, and concerned adults to make the Internet a safer place. Join them today in the fight to safeguard children’s online experience.

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children — www.missingkids.com; www.netsmartz.org
NCMEC is a private, non-profit organization that helps prevent child abduction and sexual exploitation; helps find missing children; and assists victims of child abduction and sexual exploitation, their families, and the professionals who serve them.

National Crime Prevention Council — www.ncpc.org; www.mcgruff.org
The National Crime Prevention Council (NCPC) is a private, nonprofit organization whose primary mission is to enable people to create safer and more caring communities by addressing the causes of crime and violence and reducing the opportunities for crime to occur. Among many crime prevention issues, NCPC addresses Internet Safety with kids and parents through www.mcgruff.org and public service advertising under the National Citizens’ Crime Prevention Campaign — symbolized by McGruff the Crime Dog® and his “Take A Bite Out Of Crime®.”

National Cyber Security Alliance — www.staysafeonline.org
NCSA is a non-profit organization that provides tools and resources to empower home users, small businesses, and schools, colleges, and universities to stay safe online. A public-private partnership, NCSA members include the Department of Homeland Security, the Federal Trade Commission, and many private-sector corporations and organizations.

staysafe — www.staysafe.org
staysafe.org is an educational site intended to help consumers understand both the positive aspects of the Internet as well as how to manage a variety of safety and security issues that exist online.

Wired Safety — www.wiredsafety.org
WiredSafety.org is an Internet safety and help group. Comprised of unpaid volunteers around the world, WiredSafety.org provides education, assistance, and awareness on all aspects of cybercrime and abuse, privacy, security, and responsible technology use. It is also the parent group of Teenangels.org, FBI-trained teens and preteens who promote Internet safety.

For kids:
Protect your password and make sure you really know who someone is before you allow them onto your friends list
What you post online stays online. Don’t post anything you may want to take back.
Get the OK from friends and family before posting their personal information online.
Check what your friends are posting or saying about you. Even if you are careful, they may not be and may be putting you at risk.
Never make plans to meet an online “friend” in person. MySpace users are not always what they say they are. Someone who says they’re 15 years old may actually be 45 years old!
Remember, what you post online is never completely private and it stays online forever! Don’t post anything you may want to take back. Never post anything you wouldn’t want a potential college, employer, or sports team to see.
Always keep your passwords private. Only share your passwords with your parents.
Never, ever, give out your personal information like your name, address, or phone number. Instead, use your log-in name or e-mail address.
Don’t share photos of yourself, your family, or your home with people you meet online. If you do share a photo of yourself, distort it in some way to protect your identity.
Always delete unknown e-mail attachments without opening them. They can contain destructive viruses.
Log off immediately and tell your parents if someone writes something that is mean or makes you feel uncomfortable. Never respond!
Be careful sharing other information too, like the name of their school, sports teams, or hobbies, where they work or hang out, or any other information that can be used to identify them or locate them offline.
Pick a user name that doen’t reveal too much personal information. Never use your name or home town as your user name.
Be careful when communicating in IM Buddy or friend lists. Know the person before including him/her in your IM buddy or friend list. If you do not approve of a user, delete the user name and block that user.
Never agree to meet someone that online without first checking with your parents. If your parents agree to the meeting, be sure that it is in a public place and bring someone with you.
A lot free software compatible with MySpace can be found on the Internet, unfortunately, many of them contain some kind of spy tools, spam applications, or viruses. Check with your parents before downloading or installing software or doing anything that could possibly hurt our computer or jeopardize your family’s privacy.
And for parents:
Talk to your kids, ask questions and learn how to navigate MySpace. Make the time they spend on MySpace a privilege, or something they have to work for, like an allowance.
Ask to see your kid’s MySpace page.
Don’t consider monitoring your kid’s MySpace account as an invasion of privacy. After all, it’s a public forum.
Keep the family computer in a public area, not your child’s room
Don’t let your kids put too much information online.
Never give out a primary e-mail address to people you don’t know and make sure your kids don’t provide any personal information in their username.
Talk to your kids about the dangers of identity theft.
Find out who your kid’s IM buddies are, and find out who’s on their friends list.
Make sure your kids have set their profile to “private.”
If necessary, pull the plug! Be the parent. Safety comes first.
Set the rules for when and what your children are allowed to access online.
Discuss safe ways to communicate with others and how your kids should represent themselves online.

NEVER SHAKE A BABY!!!!

Posted by Sandra On January - 19 - 2010 ADD COMMENTS

First I will tell you that my daughter is an Angel. She is almost 5 years old and has been through more than most adults go through. Her name is BreAnna and she is a victim of Shaken Baby Syndrome with a hard blow to head. The doctors said that her injuries were more severe than being in a car accident and the worst case they have ever had. That they get 6 to 7 cases a year of babies just being shaking. That was in 2006 at just one hospital. She was 16 months old when she suffered her injuries on March 22, 2006. She spent almost entire year of 2006 in the hospital and rehab. BreAnna was released on October 22, 2006 just four days before her 2 birthday. I also have a 7 year old boy who has been wonderful through this. When he comes around her she lights up like nothing is even wrong. He loves her so much and fully understands more than a young man should. When BreAnna was hurt she was away at her father’s house, in his care 3days prior to going to the ER. Knowing something was wrong with her he tied to cover it up by waiting to see if she would be ok. After splashing cold water on her trying to wake her up and several calls to his girlfriend he finally called his girlfriend to come home cause their was something wrong with BreAnna. She came home and found bre laying on the floor gasping for air and having violent seizures, she made him call 911. She was then rushed to the hospital then shipped to St. Louis MO at the Children’s hospital. Where I could not touch her or talk to her for so long. She could not have any stimulance so her brain would not swell anymore. The doctors told me she would be a vegitable and for 3 days they asked no they begged me to take her off life support. I could not do that, I couldn’t let her go. She remained in the Children’s hospital for two months with so many ups and downs, not knowing to know what was going to happen scared me. She was always so angry never understood why she couldn’t do what she did before.  Then they sent her to this rehab called Raken Jordan for another five months where they worked with her every day to try to get her strenght up to even stand in a stander with out being so mad she would have seizures.   BreAnna suffered alot of injuries causing her to loose the left side of her brain almost 70%.  She has a shunt, a bone flap remova, a feeding tube and at one time she had a trach. She has had so many surgeries I couldn’t tell you how many anymore. “The child Protection doctors said it was the worst case they have ever seen still to this date and did not make sense if he did not do it why did he try to cover it all up and wait so long to get her help”. When we went to court on Feb 8, 2008 the main dr who took care of her while she was STL said he was surprised that she has made it this far. She got her trach out in July 2007 and has made it through many surgeries. We have several more surgeries to go through. Bre has made it further than the Dr’s believed she would ever and they are still amazed with her and so am I and everyone who sees her. When you look at her she seems like she is perfect, like nothing is wrong but she knows it is when she trys to talk and can not get sounds out or when she sees her big brother playing and can not get up to chase him around. Every time I look at her I know she is a miracle, thank you God for your answered prayers. I believe slowly but surely she will regain more and more back.

March 22 will be the 4 year mark from her injury and her perpertrator was finally arressted in September of o7. YES..he has been released on bond the same day. We are waiting fora new trial date it has been post doned, I am sure it will be 6 months to a year before we start it. I know the law takes a long time to do what they need to do but come on 4 years. We need some prayers that he will not get away with this…that JUSTICE will be served for my daughter and every other child out their that is being abused. Why don’t we have stronger laws for our children? I hear things on the news all of the time that does not seem that important well not as important than all of our babies suffering. Then we do not do anything to protect them. What are we doing to our kids when we are raising them to think they that they can do such bad things and get away with it. I was raised to believe that certain people are here to help us and keep us safe. I tried to do things to help us but never got any help at all. When my daughter got hurt not a thing was on the news, papers..nothing. I had to call the Attorney General all the time to get them on the case. The place we lived at the time was Howell Co in Missouri and they don’t even think that “SBS” is a real thing. With all of the injuries that my daughter had, have and will continue to suffer from, how can you not believe it??? I don’t understand. I am pleading with you….PLEASE STOP THE ABUSE OF A CHILD AND DON’T SHAKE A CHILD. Do not settle for what one person says. You see a child getting hurt report it and if you have to keep doing it, do it. Lets not stand for this anymore. Those are our children they are hurting. Let people know about this tell all of your family and friends. I grew up not even knowing about it. I did not know that shaking a child caues more damages than you know. It doesn’t just hurt the child for the rest of their lifetime if they make it through it, but it affects the entire family. I never thought that when he got her for visitation that last time that I would never see her walking, talking or playing with her brother again. I do miss her so much and am very happy that I still have her but I do wish I had all of her back. I wanted so much more for her. I wanted to her to do so many things and have a family. Know they tell me that i am lucky to have her and that if she does not get sick and all of her medications work that she should live to her 20s but they do not know. I could never explain the way I felt when I got the call…I do know that NO child, sibling, grandparent or mother even a father that should EVER have to go through or see what I did. Then after fours years no justice for her or us. It is like they put it away because they now they all messed up. They should feel ashamed. They should of helped when they had the chance the many times I asked for it.
BreAnna is a beautiful young lady and what was done to her was then and still now just plum WRONG. Why do we let people get away with hurting our children? Is it because they have no rights, can’t stick up for them self or because they are innocent angels? Doesn’t make much sense to me that we can send some one to prison for selling drugs longer than we can for someone who basicaly kills a child. That could be phsicaly emotionaly or just takes have of there brain from them. Why is SBS not none to everyone, why do they think its fake or a stroke. WOW I really pray one day that our government would pass laws to protect them and not 7 page law about how its ok to kill someone on your property if you feel like your life is in danger. We can put the dealers away for years and years and then turn around a slap a person on the wrist for taking a childs life or making them completely handicapped for the rest of there life expectancy. Wait life expectancy that is murder to me. BreAnna’s dad got charged with first degree assualt with bodily harm and I can’t believe it he may get 10 to 30 years in prison. Why are we paying taxes for these people who hurt our children then to get out and act like it was no big deal and everyone forgets it.  i tried so many times to have the Divison of Family Services help me the plioce and no one did anything except investigate me every time. It doesn’t make sense to me that we would not have laws to protect our very own children who are going to be running this country some day. We let things go for so long like trials and justice they shouldn’t take that long to help the families heal and try ot move on with here lifes. William Brian Hawkins took my daughter that I gave birth to from me and i did get a beautiful little angel that I love more than any thing but if you actually took time to meet these kids whose life was taken you never would forget some of the things you seen. We need help our kids need help enough is enough start protecting the rights of our children. Give stronger sentences, when they get charged with somehting that involves children they should no longer be able to have children in ther care or be around them. I know its innocent til proven guilty but if they can do it once they can do it twice. Stand up for our children who will someday be standing up for you.

It has taken me a long time but I know I have to forgive him, but that does not mean that I don’t want him punished for what he has done to my little girl who used to call him dada. (SHE WAS YOUR LITTLE GIRL WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO HURT HER?)That does not mean I have to forget it or would ever beable too. I am sure I will never find any answers to what I want to know but at least I am getting BreAnna’s story out thier to the world. I pray that the all people who hurt children will all be punished and the victims will get justice. GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND PLEASE PROTECT OUR CHILDREN If you want to know anything else about her story just ask. I will let you know as much as I know. If anything changes I will keep you updated. Thank you BreAnna’s Mom…Please help us protect our children and make stronger laws for them, I believe they deserve it I know BreAnna does.

Melissa Whitten
Missouri
myspace: justice4breanna@yahoo.com

If you want to try to help get laws changed email your story of a SBS victim  and a pic to http://www.myspace.com/mommyslilangelbrynden or just to let people know about this stroy pass it on PLEASE we could all use some help. Thank you very much

How to Forgive Your Abuser

Posted by Sandra On January - 19 - 2010 ADD COMMENTS
How-to-Forgive your Abuser


(SOURCE)

http://www.soul-expressions-abuse-recovery.com/how-to-forgive.html

If you are a survivor, have you forgiven yourself yet?

Looking back, it seems silly, to pardon yourself for something that wasn’t our fault..but still, we carry the guilt as if we had done something wrong..yet we still find ourselves asking..how-to-forgive ourselves.

I spent 20 years carrying that guilt. How long have you been carrying it?
You don’t have to carry it you know. No matter what your circumstances were. No matter how your abuse happened.

You don’t have to punish yourself anymore. The punishment belongs with the person who took advantage of you! Not with you! The guilt, the shame, and all of the feelings of worthlessness all belong with the person who hurt you!

You don’t have to carry those feelings around anymore. They don’t belong to you. You have permission to give them away and take back your power.

If you need to know how-to-forgive, if we need forgiven for anything, it is for allowing ourselves to carry those negative feelings around with us for so long and not letting them go. It is time for the wounds inside to heal…and for you to move on with your life without the burden that you have been carrying like a bag of rocks on your back.

I had mentioned on the very first page of this site that when I was abused, it felt like someone had reached into my chest and ripped out my heart leaving a black hole which I tried to fill with anything and everything.

That is true, Well, when I finally pardoned myself, I found that what I really needed to fill that hole with was love. I couldn’t receive love until I forgave myself. After I learned how-to-forgive and forgave myself, I began to gain back my self esteem and along with that, my personal power! Knowing how-to-forgive begins with giving yourself permission to forgive yourself…and I will talk more about that.

I needed to forgive myself so that she could be at peace. And you know what? When I did forgive myself, I felt such a sense of peace in my soul that words can not even describe it. Along with the peace came a feeling of personal power.

No one else was controlling my life anymore! I, finally could control my own life! With that came such enormous freedom!

Forgiveness was the key to my new life..and I believe it is the key to yours. It can open the door to personal peace, joy, freedom and power.

Just like recovery, Forgiveness is a CHOICE, one that you deserve, dear one, you have suffered enough!
Now, when it comes to your abuser, the jury is out on that one. That is a controversial subject.
I had to forgive my abusers for MYSELF. For ME and only ME. Not everyone can or wants to do that and it is strictly a personal decision. Sometimes, at least for me, it is a daily decision.

The only way that I can explain how-to-forgive a sexual abuser is knowing it is not about them deserving it. It was more about me needing to let go of my anger towards them..which at one point was eating away at me. Anger and pain are so closely linked…so for ME, I HAD to forgive in order for me to live my life to the fullest. That said, again, it is not for everyone. Don’t let ANYONE judge you! There are many women out there who can not come to this point and I certainly understand that!

There is no easy answer as to how-to-forgive your abuser or abusers.Forgiveness can be extremely difficult…when it comes to someone who hurt you so deeply. It is always a CHOICE. The thing to remember, the choice to forgive is only for YOU! Your abuser could probably care less whether you do or not!

This decision is about YOU…and YOUR peace of mind and spirit. If you choose not to, that is your choice and don’t let anyone tell you that it is wrong! Only YOU know what is right in your spirit!

I do believe, with my whole heart, that you need to forgive yourself if you still feel any guilt, shame or other negative feelings about yourself. It is a decision and a process, like I said, sometimes a daily process.

If you need help with this, it is good to find a therapist or counselor to help you with it.
What is important is that you realize if any negative feelings are still dragging you down.

STEPS TO FORGIVENESS:

1. Decide that you are ready to put healing yourself above holding onto your pain.
While it might seem obvious that someone would choose healing over pain, it really is not that simple. When you choose to forgive, a part of yourself will scream, “But s/he deserves my hatred. S/He does not deserve to be forgiven.”

It is true that your abuser does not deserve forgiveness. However, you deserve to live a life free from the pain of the abuse. You also deserve to live a life that is no longer “tied” to your abuser. Until you decide to place healing yourself over holding onto your anger, you will not be ready to begin the process of forgiveness.

2. Stop thinking about your abuser.
I did not realize how frequently I thought about my mother/abuser until I chose to work on forgiving her. I thought about her all the time, and I would get angry. I was “wed” to my abuser because she filled my thoughts.

You choose what you think about in your own head, so you have the power to stop thinking about your abuser. It will be a challenge at first, but with practice, you will learn how to stop.

I did this by choosing to think about other things. Whenever my abuser would pop into my head, I would consciously choose not to dwell on the thought. Instead, I would put on my favorite CD, call a friend, or think about something that made me happy. As I channeled my mental energy toward things that made me feel good about myself, I stopped thinking about my abusers as frequently.

3. Process your anger.
Until you process your anger, you will be unable to stop thinking about your abuser. Do something physical to release your anger once and for all. Here are some things that have for worked for other abuser survivors:

•Beat the ground with a baseball bat.
•Punch pillows.
•Take a kickboxing class.
•Throw things at the wall that won’t damage it.
•Visualize beating up your abuser.
•Write your abuser’s name on red balloons and pop them.
You can come up with your own way to process your anger. Doing something physical works best for most people. Make sure you “see” your abuser’s face as you process your anger.

4. Honor your other emotions.
As you experience grief, terror, or other emotions, honor them. Comfort yourself as you would a hurting child. I found a picture of myself as a little girl and would use it to see the wounded little girl inside. I did lots of visualizations of the adult me comforting the child me.

5. Focus on healing yourself.
As you work through the first four steps, you will find yourself freeing up a lot of energy. Use that energy to heal yourself. Do things that are good for you, like exercising or hanging out with friends. Make a conscious choice to spend your time, thoughts, and energy on things that make you feel good about yourself.

As you turn your focus away from the past and turn it onto who you are today, you will find yourself spending less time nursing the bitterness toward your abuser. As you do this, you will feel less “wed” to your abuser as you take charge of your own life.

PLEASE LOOK: Suspects Wanted by the FBI for Crimes Against Children

Posted by Sandra On January - 19 - 2010 ADD COMMENTS

WHAT TO DO IF YOU THINK A CHILD IS BEING ABUSED

Posted by Sandra On January - 19 - 2010 ADD COMMENTS

(SOURCE:  http://www.childhelp.org/pages/about-abuse)

What is child abuse?
Although there are many formal and acceptable definitions of child abuse, the following is offered as a guide for information on child abuse and neglect.

Child abuse consists of any act of commission or omission that endangers or impairs a child’s physical or emotional health and development. Child abuse includes any damage done to a child which cannot be reasonably explained and which is often represented by an injury or series of injuries appearing to be non-accidental in nature.

How do I know if I am being abused and what can I do about it?

Child abuse comes in many forms and happens to a lot of people.  The 24-Hour Childhelp® National Child Abuse Hotline receives calls from people like you every day.  Each call is anonymous.  They have trained, professional counselors on staff to talk you through a crisis or to refer you to someone you can talk to in your area.  They can also help you connect with the Child Protective Services office in your area.

I am stressed, or feel out of control with my child.  I don’t know what to do and I am afraid to ask for help.  What should I do?
The 24-Hour Childhelp® National Child Abuse Hotline receives calls from people like you every day.  Each call is anonymous.  They have trained, professional counselors on staff to talk you through a crisis or to refer you to someone you can talk to in your area.

What do I do if I think someone is abusing a child?

If a child discloses that he or she has been abused by someone, it is important that you listen to them most of all.
DO NOT
•   Investigate
•   Ask leading questions (a question that suggests the answer or contains the information the questioner is looking for – That man touched you, didn’t he?)
•   Make promises
•   Notify the parents or the caretaker
DO
•   Provide a safe environment (be comforting, welcoming, and a good listener).
•   Tell the child it was not his/her fault
•    Listen carefully
•    Document the child’s exact quotes
•    Be supportive, not judgmental
•    Know your limits
•    Tell the truth and make no promises
•    Ask ONLY four questions
•    What happened?
•    Who did this to you?
•    Where were you when this happened?
•    When did this happen?
•    Asking any additional questions may contaminate a case!
Report it!
•    Call your local law enforcement agency
•    Call your local Child Protective Services Agency
•    Call the 24-Hour Childhelp® National Child Abuse Hotline

Child Protective Services hasn’t done anything — why?
Child Protective Services (CPS) is a program mandated by individual states for the protection of children who are alleged to be abused or neglected.  The function of this program is to screen and investigate allegations, perform assessments of the children’s safety and risk of harm, and evaluate the conditions that support or refute the allegations and need for intervention.  The program may provide stabilization services for families to reduce risk factors. CPS does not necessarily remove a child in all allegations. Many allegations do not result in intervention.  For example, in 2005, an estimated 3.6 million children received a CPS investigation; however only 899,000 were substantiated cases.

For more information, contact your local Child Protective Services or the 24-Hour Childhelp® National Child Abuse Hotline/.

Major forms of child abuse
Physical abuse – Any non-accidental injury to a child. This includes hitting, kicking, slapping, shaking, burning, pinching, hair pulling, biting, choking, throwing, shoving, whipping, and paddling.

Sexual abuse – Any sexual act between an adult and child. This includes fondling, penetration, intercourse, exploitation, pornography, exhibitionism, child prostitution, group sex, oral sex, or forced observation of sexual acts.

Neglect – Failure to provide for a child’s physical needs. This includes lack of supervision, inappropriate housing or shelter, inadequate provision of food, inappropriate clothing for season or weather, abandonment, denial of medical care, and inadequate hygiene.

Emotional abuse – Any attitude or behavior which interferes with a child’s mental health or social development. This includes yelling, screaming, name-calling, shaming, negative comparisons to others, telling them they are “bad, no good, worthless” or “a mistake”. It also includes the failure to provide the affection and support necessary for the development of a child’s emotional, social, physical and intellectual well-being. This includes ignoring, lack of appropriate physical affection (hugs), not saying “I love you”, withdrawal of attention, lack of praise, and lack of positive reinforcement.

“Why” Child Abuse Occurs

Posted by Sandra On January - 19 - 2010 1 COMMENT


Child abuse encompasses a spectrum of abusive actions, from acts of commission, to lack of action or omission. Abuse can start even before the birth of the child, and can have adverse effects on the child. Such as maternal drug abuse and failure to seek appropriate prenatal health care during pregnancy. Child abuse has many faces,
a discussion of the four most common follows:
.

1. physical abuse

2. sexual abuse

3. neglect

4. emotional abuse

I. Physical abuse

Children who have been physically abused present with a multitude of psychiatric disturbances:

Anxiety

aggressive behavior

paranoid ideation

posttraumatic stress disorder

depressive disorders

suicidal risks are increased

poor self esteem

depression

dissociative disorders

substance abuse (alcohol, drugs)

violent behavior/outbursts

High risk parents/parent, care givers:

1. Over 90% of abusive parents do not have a psychotic or criminal personality.

Single parent is the sole responsible care giver of a child. Usually with little or no family or friends to assist them. They are lonely, did not plan their pregnancy, have little or no knowledge of child care and child development, and have unrealistic beleifs of child behavior. substance abuse is a common finding in families of abused children.

2. Groups living in poverty

a. increased number of crisis in their lives

b. they have limited access to economic or social resources for support during times of stress

c. increased violence in the communities where they live

d. association with poverty and teenage mothers, substance abuse

3. Other high risk parents are those where spousal abuse occurs in the home.

Parent with limited education, or mentally handicapped parents who perceive what is normal child behavior as misbehaving and punish the child harshly.

4. High risk children

a. Mentally retarded children

b. premature infants

c. infants with chronic medical problems

d. colicky babies

e. children with behavioral problems

5. 10-40% of abusive parents have experienced physical abuse as children.

This is only a statistic not an excuse for abuse.

3. Neglect

Neglect accounts for more deaths than physical abuse, such as medical needs neglect which occurs when the parents belief system runs against the medical needs of the child. Neglect to provide adequate nutrition, clothing, heat, basic shelter, and protection from environmental hazards are other forms of neglect leading to failure to thrive or the direct cause of injury to a child.

4. Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse includes intentional verbal or behavioral acts that result in adverse emotional consequences, emotional neglect occurs when a caretaker intentionally does not provide nurturing verbal and behavioral action that are needed for healthy development.

Emotional abuse can include:

a. rejection

b. scapegoat assignment

c. isolation

d. criticism

e. terrorizing of a child

5. Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse is defined as involving any minor child (age dependent upon state/country) that is intended for the sexual gratification of an adult.

Sexual abuse includes oral-genital, genital-genital, genital-rectal, hand-genital, hand-rectal or hand-breast contact; and showing pornography to a child or using a child in the production of pornography. Sexual intercourse includes vaginal, oral, or rectal penetration. Penetration is entry into an orifice with or without tissue injury.

In studies of juvenile offenders, younger perpetrators tend to have younger victims, but are more likely to have intercourse with older victims. Sex acts by young children, between young children is a learned behavior and are associated with sexual abuse or exposure to adult sex or pornography.

Sexual abuse most commonly occurs by an individual known by the victim, parent or other family member (intrafamilial). Rarely is the abuser a stranger. Intrafamilial and incest sexual abuse is difficult to document and manage because the child just be protected from additional abuse and coercion to not reveal or deny the abuse, while attempts are made to preserve the family unit. Children themselves may also decide to recant thier recent accusations of abuse due to fear of retaliation by the perpetrator or other family members. They may also recant out of fear of loosing contact with the perpetrator who is commonly a family member or close friend tied to t he family by various social means.

Violence is not common in sexual abuse, however, its incidence increases with the age and size of the victim and specific traits in the perpetrator. Violence is more likely to occur in association with a single incident by a stranger. In cases of vilent incest, the father has been described as sociopathic, with a sexual abuse extending outside the family circle.

Clinical manifestations of sexual abuse

1. Vaginal, penile, or rectal pain, redness of area, or a discharge with or without bleeding.

2. Chronic painful urination, constipation

3. Premature puberty in a female (nonspecific to abuse)

Behaviors associated with sexual abuse

1. sexualized activity with peers, animals, or objects

2. seductive behavior

3. age-inappropriate sexual knowledge and curiosity Statistics

Nonspecific behaviors to sexual abuse

These behaviors are nonspecific to abuse but are in need of investigation for needs of the child:

1. suicide gesture

2. fear of an individual or place

3. nightmares

4. sleep disorders

5. regression

6. aggression

7. withdrawn behavior

8. post traumatic stress disorder

9. poor self-esteem

10. depression

11. poor school performance (especially when previously good)

12. running away

13. self-mutilation

14. anxiety

15. fire setting

16. multiple personalities

17. somatization

18. phobias

19. prostitution

20. drug abuse

21. eating disorders

Statistics

Most of the increased numbers of child abuse is in the increase in the reporting of sexual abuse and the publicity surrounding sexual abuse.

Rate increase between 1976 to 1984 rose from 1.4/10,000 to 17/10,000 children.

In 1991:

838,232 cases of child abuse reported to the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System, 15% was sexual abuse.

Female abuse

1. 12-38% were sexually abused by age 18.

2. 8% incidence of extra familial sexual abuse is actually reported.

3. 2% incidence of intrafamilial sexual abuse is actually reported.

Male abuse

1. 3-9% of males in the population were sexually abused by age 18.

2. males constitute 20% of the reports.

3. Pedophiles show a predilection for boys, theory suggests that the number of males who are sexually abused is higher.

4. boys may refrain from reporting the incident due to homophobic social stigma. Also, males are “expected” to be able to protect themselves from assault, boys may feel guilty if they are victimized.

Age ranges in sexual abuse

15 million women in the US have been involved in a incestuous relationship.

1. 33% of victims are under age 6

2. 33% are 6-12 years old

3. 33% are 12-18 years old.

Sex, age of offenders, and who they are

1. 97% are male who are on the average 10 years older than their victims.

2. Females are more often perpetrators in child-care settings, including baby sitting.

3. Abuse by females may be higher than reported due to younger children confusing sexual abuse with normal hygiene care and adolescent males may not be trained to recognize sexual activity with an older female as a form of abuse.

4. sexual abuse by stepfathers is 5 times higher than among natural fathers, the most common age for onset of abuse is age 10

5. abuse of daughters by fathers and stepfathers is the most common form of reported incest. Commonly the mother is unavailable to the father and is usually chronically ill or depressed. The mother is commonly the victim of child abuse when young.

6. brother-sister incest is the most common form of incest (but not the most commonly reported).

Incestuous fathers, a profile

1. Rigid

2. patriarchal

3. emotionally immature

4. alcoholic or drug abuse common

5. usually do not engage in extramarital affairs

Mothers in the home where father-daughter or son incest

1. chronically depressed

2. chronically ill

3. work takes them away on business trips overnight

4. show little or no interest in their husbands sexually

Pedophiles, a profile

Pedophiles become sexually attracted to children begins in their adolescence. Pedophiles seek opportunities that place them in and around children.

The common victim profile of a Pedophiles is:

a. mental and physical handicaps

b. unloved, unwanted children

c. previously abused children

d. children of single parent families

e. children of drug abusing parents

f. children with low self esteem

g. children who are poor achievers

Child Molestation Signs

Posted by Sandra On January - 19 - 2010 ADD COMMENTS

Help to identify the signs of child molestation. Learn what to look for and what to do if you find it.

STOP:
If you suspect your child may have recently been sexually abused, call 1.800.656.HOPE. This is the number for the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. They can help you verify if your child is being abused and learn what to do about it if they are.



Signs Of Child Molestation

The younger the child, the more difficult it is to determine if your child has been or is being molested. As a teenager, or even pre-teen, they may just blurt it out, but then you have the problem determining if the accusation was motivated by something other than molestation. We’ve all heard of the false accusations that ruin the reputations of upstanding citizens. So, how can you know if someone is victimizing your child? Unless you witness it or someone admits it…you can’t! Everything relies on your best guess based on the evidence you find. Obviously, you need to have very strong suspicions before formally accusing someone and needlessly damaging their reputation. A great tool to help you assess the possibility of molestation is the following Signs of Child Molestation produced by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. Following the signs, we’ll discuss some actions to take.

Signs of Sexual Exploitation in Children: Parents, grandparents, and guardians should be aware of the signs noted below that could indicate your child has been sexually molested. You should note that some of these behaviors may have other explanations, but it is important to assist your child no matter what the cause of these symptoms or behaviors.

* Changes in behavior, extreme mood swings, withdrawal, fearfulness, and excessive crying

* Bed-wetting, nightmares, fear of going to bed, or other sleep disturbances

* Acting out inappropriate sexual activity or showing an unusual interest in sexual matters

* A sudden acting out of feelings or aggressive or rebellious behavior

* Regression to infantile behavior; clinging

* School or behavioral problems

* Changes in toilet-training habits

* A fear of certain places, people, or activities

* Bruises, rashes, cuts, limping, multiple or poorly explained injuries

* Pain, itching, bleeding, fluid, or rawness in the private areas

If you observe any of these behaviors, talk to your child about the causes. Behavioral changes such as these may be due to causes other than sexual exploitation such as a medical, family, or school problem. Also keep in mind that sometimes children do not always demonstrate obvious signs such as these but may do or say something that hints at the exploitation.

Information adapted from Just in Case…Parental guidelines in case you are considering daycare and Parental guidelines in case your child might someday be a victim of sexual exploitati..right © respectively 1989 and 2003 National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. All rights reserved.

Child Molestation Conclusion: As you can see from above, the signs can be caused by other things and, even if no signs are present, molestation may be happening. If you suspect molestation, take actions to verify your suspicions. Investigate with your child, the child’s friends, teachers, friend’s parents, etc. If, at any age, your child confirms your suspicions, you must report it to your local government for their investigation. To get more information ..ing your child recover or to recover yourself, visit our page Child Sexual Abuse. If you want God’s help to resolve this and to recover, visit God help me.

PARENTS 411: Self-Help Resources/Links/Contact Info

Posted by Sandra On January - 17 - 2010 13 COMMENTS
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State-by-State Listings:
State Organization Phone
Alabama Dept. of Human Resources 334 242-9500
Alaska 24-hr hotline: 800 478-4444
Arizona Phoenix hotline: 800 541-5781
Arkansas Dept. of Human Services 800 482-5964
California Dept. of Social Services Office of Child Protective Services 916 445-2771
Colorado Denver County: 24 hr. hotline 303 727-3000
Connecticut Reporting 24 hrs: 800 842-2599
Delaware Reporting 24 hrs in-state: 800 292-9582
District of Columbia Report child abuse
Report child neglect 202 576-6762
202 727-0995
Florida Abuse Registry 800 962-2873
Georgia Dept. of Human Resources Child Protective and Placement Services Unit: 404 657-3408
Hawaii Dept. of Human Services 24hr hotline: 808 832-5300
Idaho For information and referral to regional office: 208 334-0808
Illinois In-State Parents under stress and Reporting 24 hrs: 800 252-2873
Indiana Reporting: 800 562-2407
Iowa In-state hotline: 800 362-2178
Kansas Reporting 24 hr hotline: 800 922-5330
Kentucky Local Dept. for Social Services or statewide hotline: 800 752-6200
Louisiana 24 hr hotline: 504 925-4571
Maine Reporting 24 hrs: 800 452-1999
Maryland County office of Dept. of Human Resources: Child Protective Services. Click here for Phone Listings
Massachusetts 24 hr hotline: 800 792-5200
Michigan 24 hr. hotline: 800 942-4357
Minnesota County office of Dept. of Social Services. Click here for Phone Listings
Mississippi 24 hr hotline: 800 222-8000
Missouri Reporting: 800 392-3738
Montana 24 hr. hotline: 800 332-6100
Nebraska Reporting 24 hrs: 800 471-5128
Nevada 24 hr. hotline: 800 992-5757
New York Reporting 24 hrs: 800 342-3720
New Mexico 24 hr. hotline: 800 432-2075
New Jersey 24 hr. hotline: 800 792-8610
New Hampshire In-state hotline: 800 894-5533
North Dakota Reporting: County Social Services or: 701 328-4806
North Carolina 24 hr. hotline: 800 662-7030
Ohio Dept. of Human Services Child Protective 614 466-0995
Oklahoma 24 hr. hotline: 800 522-3511
Oregon Dept. of Human Resources Childrens’ Services Division 503 945-5651
Pennsylvania 24 hr. hotline in-state: 800 932-0313
Puerto Rico 24 hr. hotline: 800 981-8333
Rhode Island 24 hr. hotline: 800 742-4453
South Carolina Dept. of Social Services Division of Child Protective and Preventive Services 803 734-5670
South Dakota Child Protective Services 605 773-3227
Tennessee Dept. of Human Services Child Protective Services 615 313-4746
Texas 24 hr. hotline: 800 252-5400
Utah 24 hr. hotline: 800 678-9399
Vermont Dept. of Social and Rehabilitation Services 802 241-2131
Virginia 24 hr. in state hotline: 800 552-7096
Washington 24 hr. hotline: 800 562-5624
West Virginia 24 hr. hotline: 800 352-6513
Wisconsin Dept. of Health and Social Services 608 266-3036
Wyoming In-State Reporting: 307 777-7922

CHILD ABUSE RECOVERY HELP

It’s a very long road to recovery after abuse, but it’s not unreachable!!!
Here are some chat rooms, sites & forums that can help you to achieve a full recovery:

http://www.mdjunction.com/

http://curezone.com/forums/s.asp?f=62&ob=t&c=1

http://www.sssalas.com/EmotionalHealing.html

http://www.catharsisfoundation.org/index.html

http://www.vansondesign.com/RecoveryCanada/SexualAbuse/Forums/

http://www.cyberrecovery.net/forums/showthread.php?t=22518

http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showforum=8

http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/lofiversion/index.php?f8.html

http://s.webring.com/hub?ring=healingquest

http://www.menstuff.org/resources/resourcefiles/abuserecov.html

CHILD ABUSE ADVOCATES:
http://www.stopcsa.org/
www.dreamcatchersforabusedchildren.com
http://www.gwmedical.com/links.php
http://www.preventchildabuse.org/advocacy/position_statements.shtml

SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY:
http://www.familywatchdog.us/
http://www.fbi.gov/hq/cid/cac/registry.htm
http://www.nsopr.gov/

STRUGGLING PARENTS:
www.myspace.com/brokenmoms
http://www.crisislink.org/
http://www.parenting.org/
http://www.parents.com/

CHILD ABUSE HOTLINES:
http://reportchildabusenow.com/
http://www.childhelp.org/get_help
http://www.hopeforhealing.org/hotlines
http://www.childabuse.org/report%20abuse.html

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:
http://www.ndvh.org/
http://www.domesticviolence.org/
http://www.domesticviolencehelp.org/
http://www.hopeforhealing.org/DV.html

RAPE:
http://www.rainn.org/
http://www.rapeis.org/
http://www.dancinginthedarkness.com/
http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/2402/

INCEST:
http://www.siawso.org/
http://www.hopeforhealing.org/incesthelp.html
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/help/isa.htm
http://www.heartsandminds.org/self/links/abuseincestfamilyviolence.htm

SURVIVORS:
http://www.ascasupport.org/
http://www.catharsisfoundation.org/
http://www.hopeforhealing.org/tips
http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?cat=14

MALE SURVIVORS:
http://www.hopeforhealing.org/male.html
http://www.berkshirefreepress.org/

Main Page


http://www.pandys.org/malesurvivors.html

BIPOLAR/MENTAL ILLNESS:

Homepage


http://www.bipolar.com/
http://www.preventmentalillness-salem.org/
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/center_index.php?id=4

POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER:
http://www.ptsdassociation.com/
http://ptsdguide.com/ptsd-complex.shtml
http://www.bullyonline.org/stress/ptsd.htm
http://www.hopeforhealing.org/ptsd

TEEN SUPPORT SITES:
http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/mainsite.php
http://teenchallengeusa.com/

Home

Home

COLLEGE STUDENTS SUPPORT SITES:

Home


http://www.mycollegetips.com/college-student-help.html
http://www.ulifeline.org/main/Home.html
http://www.strivetogether.org/resource_center/College_Students8.htm

TEEN DATING VIOLENCE:

Home


http://www.acadv.org/dating.html
http://www.atg.wa.gov/ProtectingYouth/TeenDatingViolence.aspx
http://www.hopeforhealing.org/teen_dating_violence.html

SUICIDE & DEPRESSION:

Home


http://www.hopeline.com/

Home


http://help-with-depression.net/

SELF-INJURY:

Safe Alternatives


http://selfmutilatorsanonymous.org/

Home


http://www.myspace.com/towriteloveonherarms

EATING DISORDERS, ANOREXIA, BULEMIA:
http://anorexiahelp.net/
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

Home

Home

SUBSTANCE ABUSE:
http://www.na.org/
http://www.hbo.com/addiction/

Home

Home

UNWANTED PREGNANCY:
http://www.pregnancyhelponline.com/
http://www.loveourchildrenusa.org/parent_pregnant.php
http://www.familyfirstaid.org/teen-pregnancy.html
http://www.daveandtrisha.com/pregnancy.shtml

GRIEF HELPLINE:
http://grief-help.com/
http://www.grief.net/
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/someone_died.html
http://griefhelp.org/uploads/griefhelp_20book0306open.pdf

STALKING:
http://www.stalkingbehavior.com/
http://orgs.usd.edu/savvy/stalking.html
http://www.ncvc.org/src/Main.aspx
http://www.hopeforhealing.org/stalking.html

CYBERBULLYING:
http://www.stopcyberbullying.org/index2.html
http://www.cyberbullyhelp.com/
http://www.cyberbullying.info/help.php
http://www.online-bully.com/

JUSTICE FOR CHILDREN:
http://www.jfcadvocacy.org/
http://www.childrensjustice.org/membership.html
http://www.justiceforchildrenmi.org/goals.aspx

Home

CPS/DHS MISHANDLINGS HELPLINE:
http://www.loveourchildrenusa.org/cpsmishandle.php
http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/

CHILDREN’S MEDICAL QUESTIONS:
http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/
http://www.webmd.com/
http://kidshealth.org/
http://children.webmd.com/guide/childrens-health-finding-help

MISSING CHILDREN:
http://hardwarehell.com/missing.htm
http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PublicHomeServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US
http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PubCaseSearchServlet?act=usMapSearch&missState=CA&searchLang=en_US
http://www.usa.gov/Citizen/Topics/Missing_Children.shtml

ONLINE COUNSELING SERVICES:

www.powerofmind.com.au

PSYCHOLOGIST LOCATER:
http://locator.apa.org/
http://www.therapistlocator.net/

Home


https://www.aacc.net/shop/ccn_search.php
http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/databases/

SUBSTANCE ABUSE, DRUG
AND ALCHOHOL RECOVERY LOCATER:

http://dasis3.samhsa.gov/
http://recoveryfinder.com/
http://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/
http://www.friendofbills.com/substance-abuse-recovery-information.htm

CHILD DAYCARE LOCATER BY STATE:
http://daycarelocator.net/
http://www.childcareaware.org/en/
http://daycare.com/listing.html
http://www.daycareworks.com/cg/daycare_locator.jsp

DOCTOR LOCATER BY STATE:
http://www.diagnose-me.com/regional-A.html

FAMILY & MARRIAGE COUNSELING LOCATER BY STATE:
http://family-marriage-counseling.com/
http://www.familyhelp411.com/parent%20resources/therapist_locator.php

********************************************************************

AUTISM AND LEARNING DISABILITIES

Autism Speaks

Fibromyalgia

Get Ready to Read

Learning Disabilities

Local Utah Center

National Center for Learning Disabilities

RTI Network

US Autism & Asperger Association

EMPLOYMENT AND JOBS

Career Voyages – Apprenticeships and Internships

State Job Bank Listings

State Vocational Education and Rehabilitation

National Organization on Disability

Association of Small Business Development Centers

JOBS DIRECT USA – A resource for employers to locate employees, and for employees to post their resumes to employers.

COVER LETTERS THAT WORK! – A service (in two versions) which provides you with invaluable techniques for writing cover letters which will absolutely generate serious interviews.

PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANY ASSISTANCE PROGRAMS

Free Antibiotics – Meijer’s

Free Antibiotics – Publix

Low Cost / Free Generic Prescriptions – Giant Eagle

Low Cost / Free Generic Prescriptions – KMart

Low Cost / Free Generic Prescriptions – Kroger/King Soopers/City Market

Low Cost / Free Generic Prescriptions – Sam’s Club

Low Cost / Free Generic Prescriptions – Target

Low Cost / Free Generic Prescriptions – Walgreen’s

Low Cost / Free Generic Prescriptions – Walmart

Medicare Patient Assistance Programs

Needy Meds Cost Assistance Programs

Partnership for Prescription Assistance (888) 477-2669

Patient Assistance Programs Center

CHILDREN’S HEALTH AND DAYCARE

Childcare Resources – Child Care Aware

Childcare Resources – from US Government

Kids Health Newletter and Information Center

National Child Care Information Center

CHRONIC ILLNESS

American Diabetes Association

Chronic Illness Resources for Teens

Healing Well – Chronic Illness Resources

Improving Chronic Illness Care – Resources and Research

MedLine Plus – Coping With Chronic Ilness Resources

GRIEF AND LOSS

AARP – Grief and Loss Resources and Information

Help Guide – Grief and Loss Coping Resources

LEGAL DIFFICULTIES

FindLaw – National Lawyer Resource List

Internet Legal Research Group

Internet Legal Research Group

Legal Resources

FINANCIAL DIFFICULTIES

Acorn Housing Corporation – prevent foreclosure

Federal Student Aid – Free Application

Food Assistance Programs

Government Assistance – Benefits, Grants and Financial Aid

Housing Resources Group

Medicare Website – Medication Assistance Programs

MedLine – Financial Assistance for Medical Costs

Needy Meds – Cost Assistance Programs

Partnership for Prescription Assistance (888) 477-2669

Patient Assistance Programs Center – Rx Help

Red Cross – Emergency Travel Assistance

Small Business Adminstration – Financial Assistance

U.S. Dept. Housing & Urban Development – affordable rentals

PREGNANCY ISSUES

Miscarriage Support

National High Risk Pregnancy Support Network

Planned Parenthood: 1-800-230-PLAN

Postpartum Depression Support

Postpartum Support International

USA: National STD Hotline : 1-800-227-8922

SENIOR CITIZENS’ SERVICES

Alliance for Aging Research – 1-800-639-2421

Bridging The Prescription Coverage Gap

Eldercare Locator – 1-800-677-1116

Meals on Wheels

Medicare Website – Medication Assistance Programs

National Council on Aging – 1-800-424-9046

National Institute on Aging – 1-800-222-2225

HEALTHY LIFESTYLE AND WEIGHT ISSUES

America on The Move – Steps to a Healthier Life

Center for Disease Control and Prevention – Obesity Information and Resources

Daily Strength – Obesity Support Group (and other health issues)

Healthy Counties Database – Childhood Obesity Prevention Programs

Healthy Food Assistance Programs

Nutrition for Kids – Feeding Kids Newsletter

Obesity Action Coalition

Overeaters Anonymous Support Groups

Reliable Info on Health Topics

Revolution Health – Kids and Weight Community Forum

SparkPeople – Weight Management Tracking and Support

Stickk – Online Weight Management Incentive Program

The Daily Plate – Weight Management Tracking and Support

Weight Control Information Network

Weight Management and Obesity Resource List

Weight Watchers Community Forum

EATING DISORDERS

Eating Disorders Coalition

Health Corps – For Teens

National Eating Disorders Information Centre

National Mental Health Information Center – Eating Disorders

National Institutes for Health Eating Disorder Resources

National Eating Disorders Organization

About Face

Overeaters Anonymous

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

Internet Resources on Violence Against Women

National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence 1 800 537-2238

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER (OCD)

Help for Teens and Young Adults with OCD

National Alliance on Mental Illness

Obsessive Compulsive Foundation

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER

Low Income Mental Health Services Locator

Borderline Personality Disorder Resource Center

National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder – Support Group

Borderline Personality Disorder Central

ADDICTION AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE ISSUES

Drug and Alcohol Resource Center 1 800 784 6776

Help Starts Here – Addiction Resources

http://www.smokefree.gov/

Low Income Mental Health Services Locator

Prevention Resources – Kids and Teens

Quit Net – Tobacco

Resources, Training and Action on Alcohol Issues

Tobacco Cessation Resources

Treatment Facilities Resources

ANXIETY, PHOBIAS AND PANIC ATTACKS

Anxiety Peer Support

http://www.anxieties.com

http://www.anxietypanic.com

Low Income Mental Health Services Locator

National Center for Health and Wellness

ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER (ADD/ADHD)

Attention Deficit Disorder Association

Attention Deficit Disorder Resources

CHADD – Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder

Low Income Mental Health Services Locator

Special Education Resources on the Internet (SERI)

DEPRESSION

Beyond Blue

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

Depression Experience Journal – Children/Families

Every Minute – National Depression Resource List

Freedom From Fear

Help Starts Here – Depression

Low Income Mental Health Services Locator

National Institutes for Health – Depression Resources

Web MD – Depression Resources

POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER (PTSD)

Low Income Mental Health Services Locator

Mental Health Sanctuary Resources

Mental Health Today PTSD Resources

PTSD Support Resources

SUICIDE INTERVENTION AND PREVENTION

Every Minute Suicide Prevention – Resources & Support

Global Directory of Suicide Hotlines

Hopeline : 1-800-SUICIDE / 1-800-784-2433

http://www.suicidehotlines.com

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Low Income Mental Health Services Locator

Samaritans – UK

SAVE – Suicide Awareness Voices of Education

Information on Child Abuse

Following is a list of Web sites containing useful information on child abuse as well as effective parenting. Many of the organizations who sponsor the sites use offer additional resources such as consultation, training, research, advocacy, or dissemination of information on child abuse.

American Humane – Devoted to preventing cruelty, abuse, neglect, and exploitation of children and animals.
Center for Effective Parenting – Provides helpful parenting information.

Child Care Aware – Committed to helping parents find the best information on locating quality child care and child care resources in their community.
Child Welfare League of America – Child Welfare League of America National Data Analysis System CWLA, in cooperation with the nation’s state child welfare agencies, provides a comprehensive, interactive child welfare database. Internet users can create customized tables and graphs, as well as access to information on child abuse.
Child Welfare Information Gateway – Child Welfare Information Gateway connects professionals and concerned citizens to timely, essential information and resources targeted to the safety, permanency, and well-being of children and families.
Child Welfare League of America National Data Analysis System –  CWLA, in cooperation with the nation’s state child welfare agencies, provides information on child abuse in a comprehensive, interactive child welfare database.
Child Trends Data Bank – Source for the latest national trends and research on over 100 key indicators of child and youth well-being.
Children’s Action Alliance – Helps promote the well-being of children and their families through research, policy development, media campaigns and advocacy.
Children’s Defense Fund – Mission is to ensure every child a Healthy Start, a Head Start, a Fair Start, a Safe Start, and a Moral Start in life.

Children Now – Information on child abuse and on making children the top public policy priority.

Circle of Parents – Network of parent-led self-help groups where parents and caregivers can share ideas, celebrate successes, and address the challenges surrounding parenting.
Family and Marriage Counseling Directory – Articles, resources, and databases for finding family and marriage counselors.
Focus Adolescent Services – Resources on Teen and Family Issues. Topics include anger and violence; self injury such as carving, branding and marking; and abuse.

G.W. Medical Publishing – G.W. Medical Publishing is a leading clinical and forensic publisher serving the medical, legal, social service, and law enforcement communities with the resources they need to combat child abuse, sexual assault, sexual exploitation, domestic violence, child trafficking, and other maltreatment.

KIDS COUNT Data Book
– Project by the Annie E. Casey Foundation to track status of children in the United States.
Life Prints Child Protection Technology – Life-Prints’ mission is to provide the most advanced  technology to the Child/Infant ID market, by developing and supporting proprietary, user-friendly software that interfaces with state-of-art equipment, with levels of customer support unattainable elsewhere.
MEDLINEplus – A service of the U.S. National Library of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health.
National Data Archive on Child Abuse – Exchange among researched in child maltreatment field.


NetSmartz
– Interactive, educational safety resource that teaches kids and teens how to stay safer on the Internet.
New Parents Network – Articles and information on child abuse and other topics for new parents.
Parents Anonymous – The nation’s oldest for information on child abuse prevention.
Prevent Child Abuse America – Dedicated to providing information on child abuse and inspiring hope to everyone involved in the effort to prevent the abuse and neglect of children.


Search Engine for Children
– This site contains over 20,000 child-safe sites, and over 4,000 categories including the arts, computers, directories, entertainment, games, health, news, people, pre-school, school time, sports, hobbies, and family.
Stand for Children – Advocate for improvements to and funding for programs that give every child a fair chance in life.
State Sex Offender Registries – Registered sex offenders, listed by state.
The Stephanie Zimbalist Caring for Kids Fund – Judith Moose, Publicist and PR Friend to Childhelp is donating $2-3/book sold, including her up coming book, “The Greatest Cowboy of Them All,” a reflective story about Johnny Cash that will be distributed through WalMart.
TeensHealth – Created by The Nemours Foundation’s Center for Children’s Health Media, TeensHealth provides teens and families with up-to-date, jargon-free advice about health, relationships, and growing up. Topics include issues such as depression and self-cutting, abuse in the family, and safety basics such as internet safety.


U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Children’s Bureau – Government site featuring information on child abuse, statistics, and resources related to child welfare.
Zero to Three – Publications, reference guides to programs, projects and professional developmental services promoting the healthy development of our nation’s infants and toddlers.

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Spanking: Criminal behavior or parenting tool?

Posted by Sandra On January - 17 - 2010 3 COMMENTS

https://i0.wp.com/www.themomsbuzz.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/03/12/spanking.jpg

A new study out this month about the benefits of spanking toddlers has come smack (no pun intended) in the middle of what is quickly becoming a discipline crisis in our home.

As our daughter hits the 3-year-old mark all those nasty toddler behaviors we thought we had escaped during the notorious “terrible two’s” have started popping up regularly.

Climbing on top of anything and everything, and then leaping to her near-certain death, has become Ava’s new favorite pastime. The time-outs that previously kept her from doing such things, or at least limited them to a one-time only event, no longer have much of an impact, nor do taking away toys or other previously successful methods.

Nonetheless, we keep plodding away with those supposedly tried-and-true methods. We also praise her when she plays nicely, like those top-selling parenting books urge. And we’ve tried some techniques the parenting gurus don’t encourage, like bribery.

Still, the climbing, the yelling, the tantrums when she doesn’t get her way, continue. Last night, she told her daddy he was getting on her nerves. When I put her in time-out and stood there to make her stay in place, she waved me away and told me to, “go back to work.”

She’s on a regular schedule, gets plenty of rest and eats healthy, with little to no sugar in her diet. When I spend 20 hours or so working from home, Ava isn’t in day care, she’s downstairs with her grandmother. She stays active — playing soccer, going to dance class, children’s church and having playdates with friends. We get on the floor and play with her every day; at home she has her choice of educational and pure fun activities, from musical instruments and dolls to computers and movies, in a large, designated playroom and in areas throughout our home.

But wrapping herself in the living room curtains, bypassing the child-proof locks and tossing food out of the pantry and jumping on the couch seem to be far more entertaining. And when she’s disciplined for the bad behavior she practically laughs in our faces.

What on earth is a parent to do?

My husband and I were spanked, infrequently, as children, and it seemed to do the trick. I’m not suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome, and my husband is a gentle soul. Maybe our parents and the generations before them knew what they were doing after all.

Today, however, spanking is practically considered child abuse. In fact, it’s banned in dozens of countries — including Germany, Spain, Italy and Sweden — that claim it creates aggressive, violent children who are confused when their parents insist they not hit and then turn around and spank them. And it looks likely we’ll see similar bans in the United States. In 2007, California proposed an anti-spanking bill that sparked a national debate, but ultimately failed to pass.

When I first experienced this non-spanking theory nearly 20 years ago I was fresh out of college with no kids of my own. After a friend explained that when her unruly toddler threw herself on the grocery store floor she would “reason” with her and, if that failed, walk a safe distance away until the tantrum passed, I nearly choked on my own laughter. The idea of reasoning with an irrational toddler in a public place seemed ridiculous.

By the time Ava was born, though, my thoughts on the subject were less clear. There was something to be said for not hitting a child, and as we held our sweet baby girl in our arms we decided spanking wouldn’t be on our discipline menu.

That is until a few months ago when Ava wrestled away from me at the playground and nearly ran into traffic. I didn’t take time to think about politically-correct discipline. I grabbed her by the arm and swatted her bottom. The spanking certainly grabbed her attention. And it made me rethink everything I thought I had known.

I don’t relish the thought of spanking, but to be honest it seems to be an effective tool when used in certain circumstances. I don’t believe it should be used often, or in anger, but I’m not so sure it shouldn’t be on the menu at all.

A new report out this month gives credence to that idea.

The report, by a Calvin College psychology professor who has spent a decade researching spanking, says corporal punishment forms more well-adjusted people later in life.

Marjorie Gunnoe says the study finds children who remember being spanked on the backside with an open hand do better in school, perform more volunteer work and are more optimistic than others who were not physically disciplined.

Spanking seems to be most effective when used sparingly on children ages 2-6. Those who were spanked at ages 7-11 did seem to be more aggressive.

Presenting her findings at a conference of the Society for Research in Child Development, Gunnoe said, “This in no way should be thought of as a green light for spanking.” Instead, the practice should be considered when lawmakers consider banning spanking, Gunnoe said, adding, “I don’t promote spanking, but there’s not evidence to outlaw it.”

As we struggle to find effective discipline techniques in our home, I’d love to hear from you. Is spanking a yes or no in your household? What discipline methods work best with your own children?

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DREAMCATCHERS FOR ABUSED CHILDREN, INC. is an official non-profit 501(c)3 child abuse & neglect organization. Our mission is to educate the public on all aspects of child abuse such as symptoms, intervention, prevention, statistics, reporting, and helping victims locate the proper resources necessary to achieve a full recovery. We also cover areas such as bullying, teen suicide & prevention, children\'s rights, child trafficking, missing & exploited children, online safety, and pedophiles/sex offenders.

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