Grooming: How Child Molesters Create Willing Victims 

There’s an old urban legend that if you put a frog in a pot of boiling water, he’ll naturally hop out; however, if you place a frog in a pot of cool water and gradually increase the heat, you’ll end up with a cooked frog. I can’t say whether this is true for frogs, but it certainly is true for many children who are sexually molested. The gradual cooking process is known as “grooming,” and the increased heat is the evaporation of physical and emotional boundaries. The Webster’s Dictionary definition of “grooming” includes “training for a particular purpose.” For child molesters, that purpose is a sexual relationship.

The Real Danger

Most people still want to believe that child molesters are deviant strangers who abduct children or entice them with candy and puppies. We teach our children to be wary of strangers, to shout “NO!” or run away and tell a trusted adult if anyone should ever approach them in such a manner. We teach them about “good touches” and “bad touches” and believe they will tell us immediately if they receive a “bad touch.” Our intentions are good, but we’re preparing them for the exception, not the reality in sexual abuse.

In reality, the molester is more likely to be the trusted adult and the touch is more likely to feel good. There are family members, friends and neighbors, even teachers, coaches and clergy who treat children better than most adults, listen to what they are really saying and strive to meet their emotional, physical and spiritual needs as a means of fulfilling their own sexual needs and desires. The “nicer” the molester appears and the more “troubled” the child appears, the more difficult it is to detect and believe the sexual abuse. READ MORE HERE