Child abuse memories led Huddersfield Giant’s Paul Whatuira to breakdown

Jan 19 2010 by Sam Casey, Huddersfield Daily Examiner

RECOVERING Huddersfield Giants star Paul Whatuira has revealed his high-profile breakdown was sparked by memories of abuse he suffered as a child.

And the 28-year-old New Zealander has told how the crisis pushed him to the brink of suicide.

Whatuira, known as Fatz to his team-mates, was locked up at a secure mental health unit in Bradford in October after attacking two innocent men.

He carried out the assaults after checking himself out of St Luke’s mental health hospital in Crosland Moor, where he was already receiving treatment.

At the time Whatuira’s fiancée, Venessa Almond, was expecting their first child.

Their daughter Gabrielle Kaea Whatuira was born on Friday.

Now the Kiwis star has revealed imminent fatherhood triggered flashbacks to abuse inflicted on him as a six-year-old.

“I hit rock bottom,” he said.

“Things that were in the past, when I was a kid, came back.

“It was something that I swept under the mat and it came back to bite me with a vengeance – it nearly finished me off.

“Once I was about to have my own kid – what was the happiest thing of my life – it brought back my childhood memories and brought up the past that I had never really told anyone about.

“It all crept up on me and drove me to unfortunately what happened last year.”

Whatuira admitted himself to St Luke’s after falling into a deep depression and suffering severe insomnia.

But he discharged himself on October 13.

At the time, he said, he thought about taking his own life.

He said: “I sat under a tree and thought about those things. I was on the brink.

“For some reason I got up and started running.

“Unfortunately I did attack those two people.

“I got out of the hospital and I didn’t know what I was doing.

“I was just running and bumped into those two guys and unfortunately I hit both of them.”

One of his victims suffered a broken nose and other serious facial injuries including broken teeth in the incident, which happened outside engineering firm TWL at St Thomas’ Road, Folly Hall, on October 13.

Whatuira was arrested and spent 13 days at the unit in Bradford. But he was never charged.

“I am happy that I did get arrested – I look back on it now and I was looking for help, I just didn’t know how to deal with it,” he said.

“I can say from the bottom of my heart, what happened saved my life.

“I am really thankful that I didn’t go down that path that leads to nowhere.”

He is now back in training with the Giants.

And he said he wanted to speak out about his childhood abuse to help others who had suffered.

“I want my story to help others,” he said.

“I want them to know that there is light at the other side of the tunnel. I do believe that I can help inspire other people. And the way to go about it is to tell it right and real.

“It was something that I have been holding in.

“It came back to bite me and it nearly pushed me off the edge.”

Three months after the episode, Whatuira said he was recovering well.

He keeps a daily journal, recording his progress and his inner feelings and has thrown himself into pre-season training.

“I am living my life and back to my normal thinking process – I am trying to live life to the fullest,” he said.

He is now hoping his story will raise awareness of the difficulties caused by depression.

“Everyone thinks that just because you play rugby league that you are a tough guy,” he said.

“But it is only a sport and we are only human beings – we do have feelings, we do hurt. Off the field we are just like everyone else.”

He encouraged other people suffering with the illness to seek help.

“I had dealt with it myself and that is not really the right way,” he said.

“If I had approached things in a different way, what happened last year would not have happened. But I didn’t know how to trust people enough to talk.

“My advice would be to be open, talk to your family and friends.

“I had been holding on to this for so long. But I should have talked to people about it sooner because it definitely eats you up inside – it leaves you vulnerable to depression and going in the wrong direction, which was where I was going.

“There is light at the end of the tunnel, there is help out there.

“If my story can inspire people in some way or another, that is what I really want to do.

“I must have gone through it for a reason and if I can help people out in any way possible, then I will be happy.

“Depression is a sickness and there is a cure.”

Vanessa gave birth to daughter Gabrielle Kaea Whatuira on Friday.

The couple are planning to marry in October.

And Whatuira is looking forward to family life and fatherhood.

He said: “I am over the moon – fatherhood is something that I will always cherish. I want to be strong for my family.”

SOURCE: http://www.examiner.co.uk/huddersfield-giants/huddersfield-giants-news/2010/01/19/giants-paul-whatuira-was-pushed-to-brink-by-breakdown-86081-25629808/2/