Chris Henry of the Bengels, October 2009.

AP

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Cincinnati Bengals’ receiver Chris Henry fell out of a pickup truck Wednesday, in an apparent domestic abuse dispute with his fiancée, Lolieni Tonga, with whom he was raising three children. He was found eight miles north of downtown Charlotte lying in a residential street, and suffered life-threatening injuries. According to Associated Content, Henry was pronounced dead just after 6:00 am this morning, but the news was withheld until the last hour.

Henry’s death highlights the tragic outcome of partner violence, one form of domestic abuse. Domestic violence is widespread, and estimates suggesting that up to 10% of U.S. households suffer from some form of abuse, including emotional, physical, sexual and financial and against partners, elders and/or minors. Between intimate partners, women are far more likely to sustain physical injuries (65% according to one analysis), be the victims of stalking, and fear for their lives.

Women abusing men

However, men and women are equally aggressive towards one another according to experts who’ve studied domestic violence in the US and abroad, and some suggest that the term ‘partner abuse’ should be used to highlight that this is not a gender specific tragedy.

In a study of 219 cases of intimate partner violence Martin S. Fiebert concluded that, “women are as physically aggressive or more aggressive than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners.” A Canadian report suggests that an intimate partner abused about 7% of women and 6 % of men at some time in their lives, but more studies need to be conducted as men and husbands are often reticent to admit to being harmed by their wives or girlfriends.

We often assume erroneously that men are the perpetrators, and women the victims of violence. Indeed, it is true that women and children suffer from violence globally at proportions that defy reason. Estimates suggest that close to 100 million women are missing, more than all men who have died from all wars in the past 50 years. But women are as likely to engage in domestic violence as men, at least in intimate partnerships.

This topic is something Modern Love has covered in the past, and hope that a high profile case such as this will highlight the importance of ending domestic agression. Why? Because we can.

Domestic violence is like smoking: 100 % preventable, which means the injuries are 100% avoidable. It is a matter of self and other awareness, and recognizing how a normally sane and compassionate person can lose control and harm someone they love. It also comes down to how our brains are structured and wired to assist us under stress or duress. In particular, a little structure in the center of the brain called the amygdala.

Amygdala hijack

During domestic disputes, the likelihood is that an individual’s brain functions are altered. Many times, they are experiencing something called an amygdala hijack. The amygdala is located in the center of the brain, and is part of the limbic system, one of the oldest, more ‘primitive’ components of the brain from an evolutionary point of view.

One of the amygdala’s primary roles is to manage our emotions, and, it has the uncanny ability to shut down our cortex, our cognitive functions when we are feeling threatened or hurt. At those moments, we are focused only on our own feelings, needs and perspective, and are unable to fully relate to another, hence, the hijack.

When reason is thwarted, as must be the case during a dispute involving a moving vehicle, the consequences can be severe. In this case, Chris Henry’s death.

Chris Henry is no stranger to trouble. He was arrested five times in 2007, and credited his fiancee for helping him get back on track, according to the Associated Press.

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